What If
by SummersRain04
Summary: AU season 6 where Giles never left and Buffy never started sleeping with Spike but developed a friendship with him instead. Xander and Anya got married and Dawn never turned into a klepto. Sounds like a happily ever after kind of fic, right? Wrong, this is Sunnydale after all and happiness never lasts.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine they all belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, Fox, WB etc. I'm just borrowing them for a little while.**

 **Rating: T/M throughout but will be more specific per chapter. This chapter is a T.**

 **A/N: This is the result of a wondering I had; what if Giles never left for England before Willow did the spell? And of course once I had that thought it wouldn't go away and now I have this to offer.**

 **Enjoy :)**

What if

Chapter 1

The sound of a constant banging on his front door yanked Giles from the wonderfully peaceful oblivion he had found, even if it was only for a moment. He snorted to himself as he sat up, rubbing at his face while he threw his legs over the side of his bed with a groan.

 _More like you d_ _runk yourself into_ _that_ _oblivion old man, good job_ he thought sarcastically to himself. He dropped his head into his hands, moaning in pain as a memory of Buffy rolling her eyes at him with a grin at one of his sarcastic retorts erupted unbidden behind his eyes.

He pushed himself to his feet and stumbled towards the stairs, not really sure he had actually heard anything or if he had dreamed it. The memories of Buffy tormented him in his sleep no matter how much he drank to try and block them out. As he was near the bottom step he jumped in fright when his front door was unceremoniously shoved open, the lock skidding across the floor before coming to a stop against the back of the sofa.

He looked over at the person who was standing in his doorway and staggered against the bannister in shock, a whimper escaping his lips as he tried to make sense of the vision in front of him.

"Buffy?" he whispered, his legs giving out in relief when she stepped over his threshold and looked around herself. Her motions were jittery and slow, pain flashing across her features with every step that she took into his living room.

"Buffy?" he whispered again, a wealth of questions in just her name, the shock of seeing her driving the last vestiges of his hangover from his system. He slowly moved around the banisters not wanting to startle her, watching her look around at his flat as she slowly stepped towards him.

"Giles" she whispered looking at him blankly for a few seconds before she looked away with a frown, "Is this Hell?" she asked softly looking back at him, confusion and pain evident in her eyes as she watched him walk towards her.

"Is this...no this isn't Hell, why would you…." he broke off and stared at her in dismay. He took in her appearance again, seeing the dirt in her hair, on her face, the dress they had buried her in, and staggered back against the sofa, his hand going to his mouth as tears formed in his eyes, "No, she wouldn't" he muttered before reaching for her and pulling her to him in a fierce hug.

"Is this Hell?" she asked again, her voice shaking as she gripped the front of his shirt.

"No, my darling girl, no" he whispered hugging her tighter as he felt her tears wet his shirt front. He pulled away sharply when she hissed in pain. He looked down and saw blood soaking into his shirt sleeve. He turned her gently and peeled away the edge of her dress, already knowing what he would find there. He gasped in horror and gently turned her back to face him,

"Buffy? We need to tend to your wounds," he said gently, lifting his fingers to her cheek to wipe away some of the moisture that had gathered there, "Will you let me help you?" he asked her in that same gentle voice.

She stared at him for a moment then nodded and let him lead her to his bathroom, her grip almost painful as she desperately clung to his arm. He turned her and gently pushed down on her shoulders until she sat down on the toilet seat. After a brief brush of his fingers over her cheek, to reassure himself that she was real as well as offering her comfort, he turned and pushed back the shower curtain.

As he was bending to turn the water on he stilled when he heard Dawn desperately calling out his name. He turned to Buffy and saw her face turned in the direction of her sisters voice, her eyes boring through the wall as if she could see her. She turned her startled gaze back to him and he automatically reached out and gripped her hand in his, pulling back when he realised her knuckles were bleeding from fresh cuts and scrapes.

Grinding his teeth together at the wave of anger that swept through him when he realised how she must have received those particular injuries, he cupped the back of her head and bent at the waist to place a soft kiss at her temple, "It's alright love, it's just Dawn. Wait here for a minute while I go see to her," she looked up at him afraid and gripped his arm tight enough to make him wince, "Ssh now, it's alright. I'll be back I promise"

Seemingly satisfied she let him go and sat back as he opened the bathroom door and stepped out. He looked into his living room as he shut the door behind him and saw Dawn running back down his stairs, frantic with worry.

"Dawn what is it? What's wrong?" he asked her in a whisper as she rushed up to him and threw her arms around his waist.

"I saw Buffy, the real Buffy, she ran from me and I can't find her and the Buffy bot was torn apart and there's all these demons and Spike's probably mad at me coz I ran off on my own and I think I might be going crazy and why have you got blood on you?" she babbled as he pushed her back to look in her eyes.

"Buffy's here Dawn, what did you do?" he asked, the question coming out a little harsher than he had originally intended.

"Me? I didn't do anything, I wouldn't, not after Mom" she said her eyes wide with surprise, "She's here? She's really back?"

"Yes so it would seem" he said stepping away from her and back towards the bathroom, "Would you mind helping me get her cleaned up?" he asked as he opened the door, relieved that he wouldn't have to go through with helping Buffy shower.

She nodded causing the tears gathering in her eyes to fall onto her cheeks and she hastily wiped them away, taking a deep, calming breath as she stepped forward. She looked into the bathroom and saw Giles bending over the bath to turn the shower on then her eyes flicked to Buffy, who was still sitting quietly on the toilet, and she couldn't help the gasp that came out when she saw the state she was in.

She swallowed and smiled kindly down at her sister, "Would you like a shower Buffy?" she asked and Giles felt pride well up inside of him for this child who had been through so much yet was still able to take the return of her sister in stride.

"Giles was gonna help" Buffy said woodenly her eyes flickering between her sister and Giles.

"Dawn can help you shower love, I'll help with the rest" he said smiling kindly down at her before holding his hand out for her to slowly pull herself to her feet.

Dawn squeezed past them to check the temperature of the water then she looked up at the shower caddy to see what Giles had in the way of shampoo, "Uh Giles?" she said turning to face him, "It might be better if we take her home, you have no conditioner and only a sliver of soap left"

"Oh. Uh, well I, uh, haven't exactly been, well, I could go and purchase some..." Giles stammered looking anywhere but at the girls.

"Chill Giles, I get it" Dawn said sadly with an understanding smile, "besides she's gonna need a change of clothes and I doubt you have anything here for her"

"Quite right" Giles said with a shy smile as he looked down at Buffy, "Do you feel up for a short car journey?" he asked her and she nodded, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his waist, laying her head on his chest.

Dawn blinked at the sight as Giles looked over at her, his eyes wide with surprise. They had never really had this sort of familiarity between them before she died, only a few cherished moments where they would let their guard down around each other or when they really needed the extra comfort.

Giles gently cupped the back of her head, mindful of the bump she had there, holding her to him as he guided her out of the bathroom and towards the front door, Dawn following them with a thoughtful expression on her face.

Just as Giles opened the passenger door and stood back to let Dawn climb in the back seat, a group of demons roared down the street on motorcycles and surrounded the car. Giles pushed Dawn into the car and immediately dropped into a battle stance, trying to remember if he still had an axe in the trunk as the first demon lunged at him.

Before he could even swing a fist to defend himself Buffy was in front of him delivering a right hook so powerful the demons neck broke. Stepping over the body she launched herself into the group of demons and began a painfully familiar dance of death and violence.

Giles could only watch as she despatched the remaining six demons with a cold efficiency that she had never displayed previous to her death and before he knew it they were all dead. He blinked at her in shock as she stood there breathing heavily then cried out her name when she collapsed to the floor.

He picked her up and carried her back to the car, gently swinging her over the side and lowering her into the back seat where Dawn cradled her head. He jumped behind the wheel and looked back at Dawn who was softly humming a vaguely familiar lullaby as she stroked her sisters hair.

"I take it those were the demons you told me about?" he asked her in a whisper, his mouth thinning into a hard line when she just nodded in response.

He turned and faced the front without saying a word. Starting the car and pulling away from the curb, he put his foot down and sped off towards the Summers home with his precious cargo safely ensconced in the back seat.

When they pulled up in front of the house, Buffy had already regained consciousness and was looking around at everything with wide eyed fear, jumping at every little noise and shying away from bright lights.

Dawn helped Giles get Buffy out of the car then ran up the steps in front of him to open the door. He carried her straight upstairs, Dawn running ahead of him and turning off all of the overhead lights, and left her in Dawns hands while he went in search of the first aid supplies.

They barely spoke and when they did it was in soft, soothing tones meant to calm Buffy. When Dawn had finished helping Buffy shower and put on some loose fitting sweat pants she told her to lay on her stomach on a towel, clamping down on the sob that wanted to tear it's way free every time she saw the mess of ripped skin and dark, bone deep bruises on her sisters back.

Giles had already told her in a whisper that it had happened when she had fallen from the tower and that by some miracle it had already healed quite a bit. She had taken one look at his eyes, haunted and sad, and decided not to ask what he meant.

"Giles," she called out, keeping her voice down for Buffy's sake, "She's ready for you now"

Giles was at Buffy's side in seconds so Dawn knew that he had been hovering outside the door waiting, probably pacing a hole in their carpet. As he knelt by the side of the bed he looked up at Dawn,

"Would you get her some water and maybe something light to eat?" he asked her and she nodded and slipped off the bed, "I'll bring her down when I'm finished" he said just before she left the room.

Giles watched Buffy turn her head to face him and ducked his head to look her in the eye, "This may sting a little but I'll try to be quick" he told her while tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked him in a whisper, her eyes filling with tears as she clutched the pillow under her head.

"No of course not" he said as he opened sterile packets of dressings and cotton swabs, "Why do you think you have done something wrong?"

"Because I'm here" she whispered, the tears finally falling.

Giles stopped what he was doing and sat back on his heels, the shock at her words stunning him into silence. He took a tissue from the box on her night stand and wiped away her tears, soothing her while she cried.

"I don't know what has happened to bring you back but I swear to you, with all that I am, you have done nothing wrong Buffy, nothing" he said fiercely, gripping the wrist that was closest to him.

He gave her a small, comforting smile then released her hand to continue cleaning her wound. He winced every time she hissed in pain and flinched away from the sting of the antiseptic as he cleaned around the edges of the rip in her skin over her left shoulder blade. He had seen the wound when she had fallen and was grateful to whatever power it was that had healed the worst of it, glad he wouldn't have to see her like that again.

When he was done he handed her the sweatshirt that went with the pants and carried the bowl with the used swabs and dressings inside it into the bathroom while she dressed. He saw her dress in the bin as he dropped the trash into it and sighed. He had wanted to bury her in white but Willow had insisted and he had let her get her way, having no fight left in him at that point. Turning away from it he left the bowl in the sink and returned to her room, knocking lightly on the door before he pushed it open a little.

"Buffy?" he asked as he looked through the gap, "Would you like to come downstairs and try to eat something?" He pushed the door open wider and saw her standing in front of the mirror over her vanity table staring at the pictures that were stuck in the edges. She reached out to touch the one of her mother then flinched back with a gasp.

He was behind her in seconds, holding her up as she panted in fear, "What is it love?"

"Do you see?" she asked looking up at him. She looked back at the pictures and blinked in shock, "They were….they were dead"

"What did you see?" he asked her, turning her away from the pictures and bending slightly to see her face.

"The pictures they were...they changed…I saw skulls" she said looking at him with wide, fear filled eyes.

"Ssh, it's ok Buffy," he murmured into her hair as he pulled her into a hug, "do you still see them?"

She shook her head, tightening her hold on his back as he gently rubbed hers, "No they changed back" she whispered.

"Then we will worry about it later, for now I want you to try and eat something" he said still rubbing his thumb over her temple.

"I think I was in heaven Giles" she said and he tensed. She pulled back and looked up at his face, frowning when she saw the tears in his eyes. She reached up and brushed away the tears that had already fallen and he smiled at her.

"Where else would you have been" he said softly and held her hand against his cheek.

They both jumped and pulled apart when they heard Spike shouting for Dawn. With a wet chuckle Giles wiped his face and reached for Buffy's hand, pulling her with him as he left the room. He let go of her at the top of the stairs when he felt her tense up, leaving her to come down in her own time, and walked down them to see Spike scolding Dawn for running off.

"Wondered where you'd got to Spike" he said as he reached the bottom.

"Been searching for little bit all over town haven't I" Spike said looking him up and down, "Why are you here?" he asked him.

"Had a surprise visit at my flat tonight, I may even need a new door" he said with a smirk, turning his head when he felt Buffy move on the stairs behind him.

"Didn't think Red would get the bloody bot fixed up so quick" Spike said watching as Buffy descended the stairs, "what of it?"

Giles watched as the realisation that this was the real Buffy hit Spike and nodded his confirmation when he looked at him in shock. Buffy came to a stop next to Giles and took his hand again, leaning into his side. He wrapped his arm around her and led her to the sofa, sitting her at the end so she had the support of the corner then sat next to her.

Spike whirled on Dawn and gripped her arm, "What the bloody hell did you do?" he asked her angrily and Giles jumped up, pulling him away from her.

"She didn't do this Spike" Giles said forcing him to take a step back. He turned to Dawn, still keeping Spike in his eye line, "Can you bring Buffy what you made for her please?" he asked her and she nodded before she ran off to the kitchen.

"So if lil' bit didn't do it then who did?" Spike asked watching Buffy look around the living room, squinting at the light.

Giles saw it too and turned the big overhead light off before returning to his place at her side. Neither man missed the way she automatically lost some of the tension in her back and shoulders as he sat down but neither said anything.

"I thought that you..." Giles started to say but was cut off but Spikes growl.

"You know full well I wouldn't do that Watcher, not to her" he said glaring at him, "you know as well as I do that messing with that shit goes wrong more than it goes right"

"So that leaves.." Giles was again interrupted when Willow and the others burst through the door making Buffy jump again.

"Buffy!" Willow called out then sagged in relief when she saw her sitting on the sofa next to Giles, "Buffy!" she cried happily and they all surged forward. Blinking in shock when she shrank back against Giles.

"What's wrong?" Xander asked stepping forward, his eyes darting between her and Giles, "Is she ok?".

Spike growled and shoved his way past him towards the front door having already come to the same conclusion that Giles had about how Buffy had been brought back. They all watched his retreating back with puzzled expressions before looking back at Buffy.

"Is she ok Giles?" Xander asked again.

"What can we do?" Willow asked taking a step forward.

"You knew she was back?" Dawn asked from behind them and they all turned to see her holding a bottle of water and a large plate with toast, crackers, some fruit and a few cookies on it.

"I'm fine" they heard Buffy say in a small voice and they saw her looking up at them with a stiff smile on her face, her hand holding onto Giles' tightly. Giles frowned down at her, wondering why she was putting on a cheerful facade, and squeezed her hand back.

"Do you want something to eat Buffster? I can order some pizza" Xander said in his usual cheerful manor as he stepped closer.

"Yeah Buff, do you want some pizza?" Willow asked in a voice that people thought was ok to use with children and Giles could feel her shrinking back against him as they drew nearer.

"Wait," Dawn said coming to stand between them and her sister, "back off for a minute" she said scowling at them.

Buffy used the opportunity to dart from the room and up the stairs leaving the others to stare after her in shock.

"Dawn, why don't you take that up to her and stay with her for a bit" Giles said giving her a little push towards the stairs, "I'll be there shortly".

"Ok," she said walking away from them, "but you lot stay away from her" she said glaring at the scoobies.

"What? Why? What have we done?" Willow asked hurt that Dawn thought they would hurt her.

"You know very well what you've done" Giles growled at them.

Willow turned to look at Giles, flinching at the rage that was burning from his eyes, "Aren't you happy she's back?" she asked in a squeaky voice, stepping closer to Tara as Giles' eyes flashed.

"That's beside the point Willow," he said then sighed and turned towards the stairs, "we'll talk about this tomorrow. Is the demon problem taken care of?" he asked them taking off his glasses, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he clenched his teeth.

"Yeah, they took off" Xander said looking at the floor. He'd known that it was a mistake to go along with this spell but he'd missed Buffy so much and he couldn't bare to see Giles and Dawn in so much pain.

"I h...heard them s..say s..s..something a..about the S..Slayer" Tara said timidly, stammering as she always did when she was nervous.

"Good then they won't be back," Giles said tersely as he took the first step up the stairs, "I suggest you all get some sleep, it's been a long day" he said without looking at them then continued up the stairs.

"We are so monumentally screwed" Xander said with a sigh as he sat on the sofa.

"I've never seen Giles that pissed" Anya said sitting next to him, "and that includes the time he shouted at Buffy right before…." she trailed off when she saw the glares from the others.

"What do we do?" Tara asked putting her arm around Willow and pulling her towards an armchair.

"Leaving town might be an option" Xander said with a wry grin. He stood and held his hand out for Anya, "I'm going home before he changes his mind and decides tonight is good for kicking our asses after all"

"Will you be round in the morning as usual?" Willow asked. Looking up for the first time with what looked like satisfaction gleaming from her eyes.

"You sure that's a good idea Will, I mean Giles is pretty pissed" Xander said doubtfully.

"Might as well get it over with" she said with a shrug then stood up to put her axe back into the weapons chest.

Tara looked over at Xander and Anya and saw them share a worried look. She was worried too, this wasn't like her Willow.

Xander shrugged, "Sure why not" he said then opened the front door, "But I better have pancakes _and_ waffles waiting for me when I get here"

Tara watched Willow wave them off and head towards the kitchen. She had a bad feeling that things were going to get worse before they got better.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

 **Rating: T**

What If

Chapter 2

Giles quietly slipped into Buffy's room, the sound of the others talking drifting up the stairs behind him, and saw Dawn trying to encourage her to eat something.

"Come on Buffy please?" she begged holding out a cookie, "You won't get better if you don't eat"

"She's right Buffy" Giles said as he sat beside her on the edge of the bed, smiling when Buffy seemed to relax in his presence.

"See, Giles says I'm right so it must be true" Dawn said smugly, grinning at him.

"How long?" Buffy asked him, sliding a cracker off of the plate in Dawns hand, nibbling on it as she watched his face for a reaction.

"Nearly five months" he replied looking at the floor, his eyes closed against the onslaught of memories and pain that he had carried with him since she had died.

"It was them wasn't it, they brought me back?" she asked, taking another cracker, smiling at Dawn when she started to eat the cookie that she had been trying to get Buffy to eat.

"It looks that way yes" he said his mouth set in a grim line, his eyes flashing angrily as he slid his glasses off.

Buffy sighed sadly as he rubbed at his eyes, the tiredness plain on his face, "Do you want to go home Giles? You must be tired"

His head whipped up and he stared at her in shock, a little of what looked like fear in his eyes, "Do you want me to go" he asked her, his body tensed waiting for her answer.

Tears welled in her eyes and she shook her head, "No, I'm afraid to fall asleep" she said, her voice cracking as the tears started again.

Giles shifted on the bed and drew her into his arms, "Ssh love, it's alright, I won't leave you" he murmured. He watched Dawn tear up as she placed the plate on Buffy's night stand then scoot over on the bed so she could be closer to her sister.

"I'll stay here with you" she said softly, stroking Buffy's arm.

"I don't want to keep you up" Buffy said turning her head and looking at her sister, "But you can stay until Giles gets back"

"I'm sorry, am I going somewhere?" he asked with a playfully shocked tone.

"Well yeah" Buffy said smiling slightly at the teasing light in his eyes, "You can't sleep in that" she said pointing to his shirt.

He blinked in surprise when he looked down at himself and realised that he still had the shirt and suit trousers on that he had passed out in albeit a little bloodier now, "Yes I suppose you're right" he said with a small smile, "Will you be alright while I go fetch a change of clothes?" he asked her watching her closely.

Her eyes darted around the room and she jumped a little when Dawn gently touched her arm, "I won't leave you" Dawn said with a smile then gripped Buffy's hand.

"I have Dawn here so I'll be ok for a little while" she said laying her head on her sisters, "but don't be too long though ok"

"I won't be" he smiled at her as he stood up then left the room.

He drove back to his flat in thoughtful silence, wondering what spell Willow had used to bring her back. He had always known where she was, he had found an incantation a few weeks after her death that he had used to find her. He wasn't actually sure what he would have done if she had been trapped in a Hell dimension but he was happy to find her surrounded by light and warmth. It had helped ease some of his pain but the revelation he had had shortly before her death had kept it from helping him to move on.

He wasn't sure exactly when his feelings for her had changed but he knew that when he had been stuck with that bloody spear he had only thought of her, only seen her. When they had argued before she had died he had known for certain that he had fallen in love with her and it made the pain of losing her all the more unbearable.

When he pulled up outside his apartment building he sat quietly with his head on the steering wheel for a moment, still trying to absorb the fact that his Buffy was back. He smiled as the happiness welled up inside of him, only slightly tainted by the guilt that he felt that way after she had been so callously torn out of heaven.

As he walked down the steps into the courtyard he frowned at his closed door. Silently making his way over he slowly pushed it open and cautiously stepped inside.

He sighed in relief when Spike stepped out of his kitchen holding out a cup of tea, "What the bloody hell are you doing here Spike?" he asked him as he took the cup from his hands.

"You said you might need a new door so I figured I'd come over and see if the place had been turned over then I decided to stay to make sure it wouldn't be" Spike said flopping down on the sofa with a box of crackers in his hand.

"Thank you I think," Giles said warily, "helping yourself to my scotch I see"

"After tonight I needed it" Spike said taking a healthy sip from his glass, "those wankers say anything after I left?" he asked watching Giles as he moved to sit on his desk.

"They asked if she wanted pizza and Willow was wounded that Dawn told them to stay away from her" Giles said darkly as he sipped at his tea. He really wanted to join Spike in a drink but he knew that was more habit than a real need for one.

"Fucking pizza, like that's gonna make it all better" Spike said angrily then he smirked a little, "always knew lil' bit had bite to her, good for her" Spike said proudly.

"You can stay here until I get my door fixed if you like" Giles said "I'm going back to Buffy as soon as I can"

"How's she doing?" Spike asked looking over at him as he stood and put his cup in the sink.

"Honestly, I don't know" Giles said as he crossed his arms and leant against the wall, "she can smile so there is hope but she seems to be afraid of being alone"

"Digging your way outta your coffin will do that to ya mate" Spike said with a wince.

"You knew"

"Saw her hands back at the manor" Spike said with a shrug.

"Yes well, she still has some of her injuries from the fall as well" Giles said with a sigh and a surprised glance at the vampire. Spike continuously surprised him with his ability to act like a human being.

"I reckon I could kill a couple of 'em before my chip takes me out ya know" Spike said darkly and Giles chuckled.

"Why don't we wait and see what they have to say for themselves before we resort to violence hmm?" he said making his way over to his stairs.

"Buzz kill" Spike said into his glass, grinning at Giles' chuckle.

Giles wasted no time when he reached his bedroom and stripped off his bloody shirt and trousers, dumping them in his laundry basket before heading to his closet. He pulled out a pair of sweats and roughly pulled them on before grabbing a bag and shoving a couple of pairs of jeans and a sweater into it as he moved over to his chest of drawers. He pulled out a couple of t-shirts, a few pairs of boxers, socks and some pyjama pants, adding them to the bag as well.

He pulled on a t-shirt and his comfortable, baggy, old grey sweater then walked back downstairs to see Spike flicking through the channels on his television. Walking past him he headed into his bathroom for his toothbrush, dropping it into his toiletry bag along with his shampoo, shaking his head and tutting to himself when he remembered he had a bottle of body wash under the sink.

He walked back into the living room to see Spike adding more whisky to his glass and decided to ignore it. He walked over to his desk and pulled out his journals, sliding them into his bag as he made his way over to his bookcase and quickly looked over the titles before pulling out the compendium of resurrection spells and the encyclopedia of dark rites and rituals.

"Never had you pegged for that kinda shit Watcher" Spike said over his shoulder making him jump.

"Don't do that" he admonished as he pulled The Hobbit and Alice in Wonderland from his other bookcase. At Spikes raised eyebrow he blushed and looked down at his bag as he zipped it closed, "Buffy sometimes used to like me to read them to her after a patrol, I'm hoping they will be able to give her the same comfort now"

"Fair enough but Alice in Wonderland? Really?" he asked sceptically as he made his way back over to the sofa, "Old Carroll was tripping when he wrote that, mushrooms I reckon, bloody strong ones too for him to come up with talking caterpillars".

"I can't imagine why the tale of a normal girl thrust into a world of fantastical creatures only to return to her normal, somewhat boring life would be appealing to her, can you?" he asked sarcastically as he sat at his desk and pulled on his sneakers, "and as for the other books I'm taking, they contain no actual spells, only information on the types that exist and the dangerous and rare ingredients that one might need, I'm hoping to find the one Willow used as I doubt very much that she will tell me herself"

"Alright keep your knickers on, just asking" Spike said with his hands in the air and a smirk on his face, "got any strong binding spells, have a feeling ya gonna need 'em for Red"

"We'll see" Giles said taking his coat from the rack by the door, "I'll be at Buffys, stay out of my bedroom" he said then pulled his broken door closed, sighing at the state of the lock knowing it was going to be expensive to get it repaired.

 _Maybe I can get Xander to fix it for me_ he thought as he dropped his bag and coat into the back seat of his car, _might even ask him to bring me some jellies from that donut shop he frequents._ He smiled to himself as he started the car.

He made two stops on his way back. One to the Magic Box to pick up some candles to cast a warm glow instead of the harsh glare of the lamps and incense that could be used to help lull someone into an easy slumber. The second stop was to Buffys grave to see if they had left any spell ingredients behind which might point him to the spell Willow had used to resurrect Buffy.

Grimacing, he swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat when he saw the hole she had crawled out of and the gouges in the earth that must have been made by her fingers as she pulled her way free. Forcing himself to look away he crouched down at the foot of her grave as he looked around himself at the ground and saw the three black candles discarded near the headstone. As he stood up and took a step towards them he kicked a piece of crockery that had been lying hidden in the grass.

Crouching down again he picked it up and turned it over in his hands, looking at the markings with his torch. He looked around for more pieces and found enough that he knew what it had been before it had been broken. He stood up and angrily threw the pieces in the direction of the woods, his fists clenched by his side while he stalked back to his car, doing his best to control the urge to let Ripper loose.

He circled the block around her house three times before he deemed himself calm enough to actually go in. He parked at the curb, taking the time for a few deep breaths before he climbed out of the car. He had just retrieved his bag when the screaming started.

"What the bloody hell…." he muttered as he ran into the house.

"Dawn let me in I can help her" he heard Willow shout followed by banging on the door.

"No you've done enough!" Dawn shouted back over Buffy's screaming.

"That's not fair I saved her!" Willow shouted back indignantly.

Giles ran up the stairs and straight to Buffys door, "Willow it's alright, I'll deal with it" he said over what sounded like a wounded animal screaming in fear. His heart clenched painfully in his chest when he realised that it was Buffy.

Tara sagged in relief at his appearance and pulled on Willows arm, "Come back to bed Willow, Mr Giles will help her" she said in her soft voice.

"But I can cast a..." Willow said desperately, looking back at her.

"No Willow, no more spells!" Tara said sharply making Giles blink at her in surprise, "Look, Mr Giles has some supplies from the Magic Box" she said pointing out the bag.

"Candles and incense. Lavender, Sandalwood, Jasmine, Chamomile" Giles said looking down at the bag. The sound of Buffy's door being unlocked behind him registered and he glanced quickly at Willow seeing her mouth thin with anger, "I'm hoping to help her relax enough that she'll not dream" he continued.

"Oh ok, well if you need a hand let me know" Willow said eyeing him as if he couldn't manage a simple spell on his own.

Giles just nodded at her, biting his tongue on the angry outburst that he wanted to direct at her, and slipped into Buffy's room. He looked at Dawn sitting next to Buffy, their arms tightly around each other as Buffy sobbed, "What happened?" he asked dropping everything on the trunk at the foot of her bed.

"Nightmare I think" Dawn said softly, looking frightened as Buffy pulled back and looked up at Giles.

"Dawn would you get me the Magic Box bag please?" he asked her as he took her place at Buffy's side, gently rocking her, "and in my bag is Alice in Wonderland if you could bring me that as well"

Dawn unzipped his bag and looked at the books that were in there, pulling out the one he wanted and handed it to him along with the Magic Box bag. He shifted Buffy back into a prone position against her pillows then handed Dawn a small cloth packet he pulled out of the bag.

"Take this to your room Dawn, it will help you fall asleep" he said smiling kindly at her, "you need to sleep" he said softly when she opened her mouth to protest, "I promise you that I'll not leave her side, she's in good hands"

"I know that it's just, well, maybe you should shower first before you get comfy" she said wrinkling her nose at him. They both looked down in surprise when they heard Buffy giggle quietly.

"And you agree do you?" Giles asked looking down at her with a grin.

"I didn't wanna say anything" Buffy sniffed, "but yeah" she was still crying but her eyes lit briefly with a spark of her old teasing self and he smiled at her.

"Well if both of you agree on this then I must truly be giving off a fetid stench" he said looking between them.

"Huh?" they both said in unison.

He rolled his eyes unable to stop the grin that spread across his face, "I smell" he told them simply.

"Well why didn't you just say that" Dawn said as she crawled up the bed behind Buffy while she giggled silently at him, "go shower" she said waving him off.

"If I must" he said in a put upon voice, "but while I am will you put a few sticks of incense on the dresser and the candles by the bed please Dawn"

"No magic!" Buffy said loudly, startling them by sitting up and gripping his arm.

"Ssh Buffy, there's no magic in them, it's just to help you sleep easier" he said rubbing the hand that had gripped his arm.

"Oh, ok then" she said letting him go and dropped back down.

Giles watched as Dawn slid back off the bed while he was retrieving his wash bag and pyjama pants then slid out of her room. He showered and brushed his teeth quickly in his rush to get back to Buffy.

When he slipped back into her room she was still lying on her side facing her open window. The candles, now lit, flickering in the breeze that was blowing through the room, the smoke from the incense curling and twisting in the air. Dawn looked up from where she was sat at Buffy's head, gently stroking her hair as she hummed that same lullaby from the car. Buffy looked over her shoulder at him and smiled softly,

"Feel better?" she asked.

"Yes actually, now it's time for Dawn to go off to bed" he said giving her a look that brooked no argument.

"Fine" she huffed and shuffled off the bed, lifting the sachet from where she had left it on the dresser. She stopped at the door and looked back at them as Giles sat on the comfy chair he had pulled next to the bed, "You will be here when I wake up won't you?" she asked Buffy, her voice shaking with emotion.

Buffy looked over at her and smiled kindly at her, "I'm not going anywhere" she said in a whisper and watched as Dawn nodded and reluctantly walked away.

Giles got up and shut her door before sitting back in the chair and opening the book, looking up when he heard Buffy hiss in pain. He saw her shuffling back towards the middle of her bed and for a moment panic gripped his heart. Did she not want him near her after all?

He huffed out a relieved breath when she patted the spot she had just vacated, "Please Giles" she said when she saw his hesitation, "I don't know why but I need you close" she continued, "When I first...woke up, I knew I had to get to you, that I needed you," she paused and looked up at him, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, "I feel better, safer, with you here"

He still hesitated for a few seconds before he lifted himself out of his chair and lay on the bed next to her. She immediately lifted her head and placed it on his chest, rubbing her cheek over his heart. He sucked in a breath and lifted his hand to her head.

"Will you be telling Dawn where you were?" he asked in a whisper.

"Not yet" she whispered back, "let her get used to me being back before I upset her with that"

"And the others?" he asked looking down at her head when she shook it violently,"alright we won't tell them" he said soothingly as he rubbed her back. He wanted to ask her about her dream but thought that now wasn't the time.

He opened the book and began to read, continuing after she fell asleep until he too gave into his exhaustion.

Giles opened his eyes in the morning, blinking in confusion at the unfamiliar ceiling and looked down to find Buffy still wrapped around him, sleeping soundly. He smiled down at her, pressing his lips to her head for a second before gently sliding out from under her, hoping that she would stay asleep.

He quietly opened her door and silently padded down the hallway to use the bathroom. She had only woken once more during the night but didn't scream out like she had done earlier in the evening. Once he had taken care of his screaming bladder he bent to remove the first aid case he had put under the sink the night before, taking it, along with the disinfectant, back to her room knowing he would need to change her dressing when she woke up.

He opened her door and deposited them on the vanity table before backing out and heading downstairs for a bowl of boiled water. He was rubbing tiredly at his face when he pushed open the door to the kitchen, jumping in surprise when he saw them all sitting around the island quietly eating pancakes and waffles.

Deciding to just ignore them he lifted the kettle and found that it was more than half full, touching the side told him that it had recently boiled so he removed a small mixing bowl from the cupboard and filled it halfway. Putting it to the side, he turned to Dawn as he pulled a few sheets of kitchen towel from the roll,

"Did you sleep Dawn?" he asked her aware of the strained silence from the others but having no energy to deal with it.

"Yeah that thing you gave me helped a lot" she said, cutting into a waffle fairly dripping in syrup.

"Good I'm glad," he said with a smile, turning back to the bowl.

"How's Buffy?" Willow asked him and he gripped the side as the anger he had felt bubbling beneath the surface roared to life, his shoulders hunched as he took a deep breath tempering his urge to release Ripper.

"How do you think she is?" he asked her in an angry whisper, "Tell me Willow, in all your seemingly meticulous planning, did you ever once think about where she would be resurrected? Or did you think she would just pop into existence in front of you?"

"What? I don't understand?" she said but he heard Xander gasp and looked at him from the corner of his eye, seeing movement as he clamped a hand over his mouth.

"She had to dig her way out of her own grave you stupid girl" he said through gritted teeth, ignoring the gasps from the girls, "not only that but she still has some of her injuries from when she fell from the tower so again I ask, how do you think she is?"

"Giles I, I didn't think, I.." Willow stammered turning a shade paler as she realised what she had done.

"No you didn't think!" Giles shouted slamming a fist into the work surface, he turned to face her, his eyes flashing with the rage they had seen in him last night and Willow shrank back under the force of his glare.

After a few seconds he took a deep breath and turned to Dawn, "Would you mind saving some of that for us when you're finished please?" he asked her gesturing to the mound of food on the table, "I'll see if I can coax Buffy down after I've changed her dressings".

"Sure, no problem" Dawn said still happily eating away, glad that he had finally let Willow have it, "I'll make you some tea too, and save you a couple of donuts, obviously" she said smiling up at him when his lips twitched.

"Thank you Dawn" he said carefully lifting the bowl and carrying it from the kitchen.

"What have we done?" Xander asked brokenly as tears fell from his lashes.

"Fucked up beyond belief" Dawn said ignoring the shocked looks from Tara and Willow as she stuffed another forkful of waffle into her mouth.

Tara glanced at Willow from the corner of her eye and flinched inwardly at the anger she saw on her face as she looked at the door Giles had just walked through. The bad feeling she had felt the night before bubbling up again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

 **Rating: T**

What If

Chapter 3

Buffy healed quickly but still continued to be withdrawn around the others, only letting herself relax when it was just Dawn and Giles. Although at this moment she was withdrawing into that safe place inside of herself after Giles told her that the council had asked him to make a report on her resurrection in person.

"How long will you be gone?" she asked dejectedly, looking at the floor and picking at her nails.

"A week, ten days at most" he said, gently grasping her chin and lifting her face so he could look at her properly, "Dawn is here and now that you feel comfortable around Tara I'm sure she won't mind helping you"

"But what if I start having the nightmares again?" she asked him, her wide, hazel eyes showing traces of desperate calculation as she was obviously trying to think of ways to keep him near her.

Giles frowned, worried that they might make a reappearance as well. She had continued to sleep curled into him, her head on his chest. The one time he had tried to put some distance between them and returned to his flat, Dawn had rung in the middle of the night, the sounds of Buffy's screams almost drowning out her tearful plea for him to come back.

He would never admit this to anyone but he was finding it hard to sleep without her warmth next to him anyway, he was a little alarmed by how quickly he had grown accustomed to her presence.

"I'm sure you will manage just fine Buffy and Spike has offered to accompany you on patrol while I'm away" he said brushing the backs of his fingers over her cheek. He had wanted her to stay in and rest but she had told him that it was a good idea to get back out there as she was beginning to feel twitchy.

Willow had continued to watch them with a calculating gleam in her eye whenever she was in the same room, which wasn't often, still adamant that she had saved Buffy and deserved a thank you at least. The way she hovered around her made Buffy nervous and Giles was starting to worry about how much she was relying on her magic.

"Will you call?" Buffy asked taking his hand and pushing her fingers between his, leaning her head against his shoulder.

Giles smiled down at her as his heart did the now familiar flip when she took his hand, "Of course I will" he said rolling his eyes when she looked expectantly up at him, "When I land, every morning, after dinner and even while I'm on the toilet" he said completely straight faced.

She sat up and looked at him, "Eww Giles," she said and lightly slapped his arm, "that's just gross" rolling her eyes when she realised he was laughing.

Dawn walked in on them leaning against the back of the sofa laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes. She watched Buffy for a minute, enjoying the way she was really laughing. She hadn't done much more than a quiet giggle since she got back.

"What's so funny?" she asked brightly, dropping down into the chair opposite them.

"Giles is gonna phone us when he's on the toilet" Buffy said trying to hold back her laughter when Giles snorted at the expression on Dawns face.

Dawn had wrinkled her nose and stared at Giles in disgust, "Eww that's just...eww why would you do that?"

"I'm joking Dawn" he said breathlessly, pushing himself upright and coughing into his hand, "I was telling Buffy that I will be going to England for a week or so" he said. Noticing the way Buffy tensed out of the corner of his eye, he turned towards her, ready to reassure her again, but saw Willow coming down the stairs.

"Hey guys" she greeted them cheerily, "I heard the laughing" she said with a smile,"What's funny?"

"Nothing, Giles made a joke is all" Buffy said then stood and left the room.

Giles followed her with his eyes as she disappeared round the corner and looked up at Willow, "I'll be leaving for England tomorrow and I'll be gone roughly ten days" he said blankly, the anger he felt towards Willow still bubbling under the surface.

"Oh? Why?" she asked sitting down in the chair across from Dawn and looking at him with an open, innocent expression.

"The council has requested that I make a report on Buffy's resurrection in person and it gives me a chance to tie up a few loose ends at the same time" he said sitting back and crossing his legs, "Spike will be helping Buffy on patrol and I will leave a contact number on the fridge"

"Spike doesn't need to help her, I can do for her what I did for you guys over the summer" she said with a frown.

Giles sighed, "You're a stupid girl" he said quietly and Dawn shrunk back against the chair she was in hoping to blend into the back of the chair, hearing the anger in his voice but not wanting to miss what she thought was coming.

"Yeah you said that already" Willow replied angrily.

"Do you have any idea what you've done? The forces you've harnessed, the lines you've crossed?" he asked, the edge to his voice getting sharper.

"I did what I had to do, what no one else could do!" she shouted at him, her eyes flashing black for a second.

"Think, just for a second, about what you've done to Buffy" he snapped, all pretences of civility disappearing at her arrogance, "And you are not the only one with the power to do what you did, believe me".

"I brought her back Giles, maybe the words you're looking for are thank you" she sneered at him.

"Having Buffy back in this world is...it's indescribably wonderful but I'm not thanking you and neither is anyone else" he snapped back.

"Yes I had noticed how much closer you are to her now, bet you feel great that she's all needy and weak" she insinuated standing and walking away from him.

"You have no idea what you're talking about Willow!" he shouted jumping to his feet and grabbing at her arm, swinging her around to face him. "You have no idea what you have done or the price you may yet have to pay, you were lucky to have survived channelling that much power!"

"I wasn't lucky. I was amazing" she snapped yanking her arm back, "Anyway, how would you know? You weren't even there. You were at home probably passed out drunk again"

"If I had been I would have bloody well stopped you!" he shouted ignoring the jibe, baring down on her, his fists clenched by his sides, "The magicks you channelled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, you rank, arrogant amateur!"

"You're right, the magicks I used were very powerful, I'm very powerful so maybe it's not such a good idea to piss me off" she said calmly, glaring at him.

Giles blinked in surprise and stepped back, "You still have no idea where she was or what happened to her and I'm far from convinced she's come out of this undamaged" he said before turning away from her and rubbing his hand down his face.

He looked down at Dawn ready to apologise to her for possibly scaring her with his outburst but saw her staring past them into the hallway, a horrified expression on her face. He whipped around and saw Buffy standing there, her face pale and wet with fresh tears.

"Get out" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Buffy, I..." Giles started his heart dropping into his stomach.

She looked at him, her expression softening slightly before looking back at Willow with a glare, "You, get out, now" she said still not raising her voice.

"Yeah good idea, maybe we all need to take a beat, calm down" Willow said and brushed past her, grabbing her purse as she left the house, slamming the door behind her.

"Are you ok?" Buffy asked Giles walking towards him, covering his hand with hers when he cupped her cheek.

"Yes Buffy, I'm fine" he said brushing his thumb over her cheek, wiping away a few tears "I'm sorry you had to hear that"

Buffy shrugged and sat down on the arm of the chair Dawn was in and stroked a hand down her hair, "S'ok, had to happen sooner or later"

"Yeah," Dawn said leaning her head against Buffy's side, "I'm actually impressed you lasted this long before blowing up at her"

Giles sat on the coffee table and smiled shyly at Dawn, "I've had other things to think about other than what Willow has done" he said resting his elbows on his knees.

"Am I damaged Giles?" Buffy asked quietly still stroking Dawns hair.

"No!" Giles said sharply, his head snapping up to stare at her, "No Buffy, you're not damaged"

"But?" she said watching his face for the tell-tale signs he was worried about something. Sure enough he sighed and brushed a hand through his hair.

"But we have no idea what being dragged out of...where you were" he said with a quick glance at Dawn, almost having spilled the big secret, "has done to you and no way of finding out and having to, to dig...that will most certainly have left a little scarring"

"You know where she was don't you?" Dawn asked quietly as she watched them stare at each other, "Was it...were you in Hell?" she asked Buffy, looking up at her with apprehension.

Buffy closed her eyes for a second then looked at Giles, she gave him an almost imperceptible nod and he sighed. He leaned forward and took Dawns hand while Buffy continued playing with her hair.

"No Dawn, she wasn't in a Hell dimension" he said gently in a whisper, "She was in a Heavenly one"

Dawns eyes widened and she looked up at Buffy, "Really, you were in Heaven?"

Buffy put her finger to her lips as she nodded sadly and clenched her hands in her lap, "I, I think so. I was happy and warm and loved and I knew that everyone I cared about was safe, I was finished. I think I saw Mom and Grams, it's getting fuzzier the longer I'm back, but now everything is harsh and bright and cold and I'm miserable except..." she blinked and looked up at them then looked back down at her hands, a blush colouring her cheeks.

"Except what Buffy?" Giles asked her gently, relieved that she was finally opening up.

"Except, uh, except when you're with me, you and Dawn, and Tara now, sometimes with Xander too but mostly I'm still cold all the time" she mumbled still looking down at her hands, "and Willow is waiting for me to thank her for saving me"

"Maybe, and don't bite my head off ok, but maybe you should just say it and she might back off, leave you alone" Dawn said looking timidly up at her.

"Dawn may have a point there" Giles muttered, looking thoughtfully into the air over their shoulders.

"But she didn't save me" Buffy said angrily.

"I know love but I can't help but feel happy that you are back" he said smiling sadly at her, "and I hope that perhaps you are a little as well".

She looked back at him, her blush deepening, "Willow said, well she said that you were probably, uh, passed out" she said awkwardly looking down at her hands again.

"Yes, well, I, uh, wasn't 'dealing' as you say" he said standing and walking over to the fireplace.

"I'm sorry" Dawn muttered sinking down into the chair.

"Why?" Buffy asked her beating Giles to it.

"You jumped to save me and Giles turned into broody drunk guy coz you died and it's all my fault" she mumbled as tears began to drip from her lashes.

"No Dawn" Buffy said sliding off the arm of the chair onto the seat next to her and wrapping her in her arms, "death was my gift, I figured it out remember"

Giles cleared his throat and sat back on the coffee table, "What the First Slayer told you? You figured it out?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, death was my gift to all of you, to the world" she said with her eyes closed, "Dawn was made outta me, her blood is my blood, she wasn't the only one who could close the portal, obviously" she said with a quick, sad smile, "I was watching the sunrise and it hit me"

"Still my fault" Dawn said wiping at her face.

"No it isn't" Giles said ducking his head to get her to look at him, "My turning into broody drunk guy," he paused to smile at her giggle when he used her words, "had nothing to do with you"

"Yeah that's all on me squirt, don't be trying to steal my thunder on that" Buffy said lightly, tickling Dawn until she shrieked with laughter.

Giles watched her sadly, seeing the blame she felt in her eyes and resolved himself to having a conversation with her when he got back.

Xander drove Giles to the airport before breakfast the next day, shooting worried glances at him every few minutes. Giles was worried himself. Before he'd left, Buffy had reverted back to the scared shell she was when she had first came back. Her eyes darted warily around her as she tried to see in every direction at once and she had nearly jumped clean out of her skin when Xander had honked the horn on his arrival.

"She'll be fine" Xander said as he pulled up to the drop off point at the airport, "We'll all keep an eye on her, don't worry"

Giles sighed and looked over at him, "Don't hover over her will you, she doesn't like that and the incense sticks and candles that helped her sleep when she first got back are in the bureau in the living room in case she starts having the nightmares again" resisting the urge to grin when his memory of what had happened the night before surfaced again. His lips still tingled from the kiss she had given him.

Xander smiled knowingly at him. Unlike Willow, he had seen the relationship changing between Buffy and Giles long before she had died. Even if they were clueless, he saw where it was going. "Got it G-man and no hovering, cross my heart" Xander said with a grin.

"Stop calling me that" Giles snapped and opened the car door as Xander laughed at him.

Xander helped him unload his bags and put them on a trolley. Just as Giles was about to enter the airport he stopped and turned around, "The numbers on the fridge, I've even programmed it into my cell, seriously Giles everything's covered, go already before you miss your flight" he said before Giles could utter a word.

Giles gave him one of his quick shy smiles and disappeared into the terminal.

Buffy had locked herself in the bathroom after he had left and stood under a stream of hot water until the worst of her shakes had passed. Sitting at her vanity drying her hair, she decided that she would try and get back to living so she didn't have to depend on Giles so much.

 _Not that he seems to mind_ she thought smiling to herself. She'd known since Highschool that she loved him but it wasn't until her Mom died that she realised she had fallen in love with him. She didn't think she could ever tell him but with the way he reacted to her holding his hand and how he would reach for her if she rolled away from him during the night, she had hope that he didn't need to be told.

She could still remember the joy that had dawned on his face when he saw her standing at his door that first night, the way he would touch her every chance he got like he was trying to make himself believe that she was real and not just a dream. The way he called her love all the time now. The way he had kissed her the night before.

She scowled as Willow called up the stairs to her, asking her if she wanted any breakfast. She slowly lowered her hair dryer and stared at herself in the mirror, wishing Giles was sitting on the bed behind her gently reminding her that she had to eat.

She shook herself and stood up, "No, I can do this" she said aloud and left her room.

Halfway down the stairs her determination crumbled and she started to shake again, wondering what she was actually going to do about Willow. She jumped when Willow ran past the stairs, shouting that she had to run over her shoulder. Buffy breathed a sigh of relief and was able to walk the rest of the way to the kitchen without shaking.

"Hey Dawn" she called out as she pushed open the door to the kitchen, "What's for breakfast then?"

"Food" Dawn said around the mouthful of cereal she was chewing, sticking her tongue out at Buffy's groan.

"Very funny squirt" she said giving her a playful shove.

"I gotta run for the bus, Xander can't take me today coz of something he had to do for Anya after dropping Giles off" Dawn said sliding off her stool and depositing her bowl in the sink with the rest of the breakfast dishes. She dropped a kiss on Buffy's cheek and grabbed up her bag from where she had dumped it by the basement door, "See ya after school"

"Yeah" Buffy replied sadly to thin air. She saw Dawns lunch still sitting next to the fridge and grabbed it as she ran out the door.

"Dawn!" she called from the front door, stopping her as she got to the sidewalk, "You forgot this"

"Oh thanks" Dawn said taking the brown bag from her and shoving it into her bag, "Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"They just want to know that you're alright" Dawn said gently, "It was really bad with you…gone, and they really did think that they were saving you"

Buffy stared at her in shock, "Willow..."

"Yeah, Willow, she might have just wanted to show off too but she used to cry at night thinking that you were suffering"

"So if I thank them then they'll see that I'm ok and stop hovering?" Buffy asked, her forehead wrinkled in confusion as she thought about what Dawn was saying.

"Maybe, but you won't know unless you try" Dawn whispered before giving her cheek a peck and running off.

Buffy trudged back into the house, thinking about what Dawn had said, _And when the hell did she grow up so much_ she thought watching the sink fill with water and suds. She winced when she realised it must have been because she died.

Later when she was stood outside the Magic Box she could almost hear Giles telling her that she should do what she thought would help her the most. She could remember back in the early days when she would still be sitting at the study table late at night, long after everyone had left, listening to him talk about battle strategies. He had told her that sometimes it was necessary to look at the bigger picture and decide which battles should be fought or which ones she should run from in order to regroup and come back at them from a different angle, refreshed and better prepared.

She had decided that the battle she had been fighting with herself over her friends fell into the latter category.

She watched them for a few more minutes through the window. Willow was talking to Tara at the table as they re-shelved some books, Anya was at the cash register as usual and Spike and Xander looked as if they were trading insults as they moved boxes.

Taking a deep breath she walked in and Willow turned at the sound of the bell jingling over the door.

"Hey Buff, everything ok?"

"Yeah" she replied with a small smile and tucked her hair behind her ear, "Look, you guys, um, there's this thing...so I'm just gonna say it" she said swallowing heavily, "You brought me back. I was in a," she paused and sighed, closing her eyes against the sight of Willow looking slightly smug, "I was in hell. I, um, I can't think too much about what it was like. But it felt like the world abandoned me there. And then suddenly...you guys did what you did".

"It was Willow" Tara said in a whisper, looking at Buffy as if she knew she was lying, "She knew what to do"

"Ok. So you did that. And the world came rushing back. Thank you. You guys gave me the world. I can't tell you what it means to me" she said dredging up a smile for them despite feeling sick to her stomach. She was avoiding looking at Spike who looked horrified at what she was saying, "And I should have said that before"

Willow stepped forward with tears in her eyes, "You're welcome" she said then threw her arms around Buffy, hugging her tightly.

"Welcome home Buff" Xander said coming at her from the side and putting his arms around both of them.

Buffy looked over at Spike when he stood, shaking his head at the affectionate display as he walked through the door that led to the alley. Making her excuses she managed to get out of the hug and follow him.

As soon as she had shut the door behind her he grunted, "That was a fine show you put on Slayer shame it was utter bollocks" he said, folding his arms over his chest as he leant against the wall.

"It's what they needed to hear" she said softly, sitting on the stack of crates near him.

"And what about what you need?" he asked looking at her from his position against the wall, "Coz it sure as hell isn't making nice with the bastards that pulled you out of..."

"No Spike, it's what's best for right now" she said cutting him off. It had been Giles who had spilled the beans to Spike telling her it would help her to have him know, "Don't tell them" she told him, her eyes pleading with him to understand.

"I'm not gonna drop you in it Slayer but you damn well better invite me to see it when you do tell 'em" he huffed dropping himself down on the crate next to her, "How long 'til your Watcher's back?"

"Ten days" she said sadly and Spike nudged her with his shoulder.

"Wanna go out and kill something tonight?" he asked cheerfully.

She smiled at him and stood up, "Sure why not, what else is there to do" she muttered then walked out of the alley and into the sunlight.

Spike watched her leave, his eyes narrowed in speculation. Giles thought that she was hiding something from him and Spike had to agree with him. Now all he had to do was get her to fess up and report back to the lovesick Watcher.

Huffing out his annoyance he lit up a smoke and shifted back so he could lean against the wall. He looked up when the shop door opened and rolled his eyes when Xander stuck his head through.

"Where's Buffy?" he asked him.

"How the hell should I know I'm not her bleedin' keeper" Spike answered him sarcastically.

"Well where is she now?"

"You do ask some stupid fucking questions Harris you know that" Spike said lifting his knee and resting the hand that was holding his cigarette on it, "She walked off that way and in case you hadn't noticed it's a really sunny day and I don't fancy getting a suntan"

"Shame that, the crispy look would suit you" Xander said with a smirk.

Spike just flipped him off and closed his eyes hoping he would just go away.

"Did she say anything to you?" he heard him ask and he sighed.

"No now piss off and let me have this fag in peace" Spike said glaring at him.

"What are you gonna do about it if I don't chip boy?" Xander asked him smugly.

"I could tell Anya I saw you flirting with the girl behind the counter at The Pump" Spike said smirking at the fear that blossomed in Xanders eyes, "haven't seen a good castration since Angelus tortured the stupid wanker who tried to pick his pocket in Madrid".

"Low blow Spike, really thought you were better than that" Xander said glaring at him as he backed into the shop.

Spike just chuckled as he lifted his fag up to his lips, needling Xander always made him feel better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

 **Rating: T**

What If

Chapter 4

"And you are still claiming that you are none the wiser about where she was while she was dead" Travers said suspiciously, looking down at the notes he had taken while Giles had sat in front of the board.

Giles gritted his teeth and sighed, "I'm not claiming anything. She has so far been unwilling to talk about it. The trauma of digging out of her own grave has been enough for her to deal with and I feel no inclination to push her" he told him. He had decided to keep her whereabouts to himself, unsure what the council would do if they knew the truth.

"Is she incapable of carrying out her duties?" Travers asked looking at him over the top of his glasses with an almost predatory anticipation flashing in his eyes.

"She's shown no incapabilities in the field, in fact she is more efficient and driven" _Smarmy git._

Travers launched into a lecture about his penchant for going easy on her and Giles tuned it out. He had been sat in front of Travers for the last hour, having been called in for an eight am meeting, going over everything he had told the board. After a week of dealing with bureaucratic toadies, the board, Travers and the endless reams of paperwork that needed to be filled out and filed he'd had enough.

Buffy had sounded distant the previous afternoon when he had called her and he was worried about her. She'd told him that everything was fine, that she was getting along with the others better and that things had settled down. She asked if he wanted to stay at her house when he got back but was evasive when he asked how she was sleeping and if she was eating enough and then she had begged off the phone before he could answer saying Dawn had needed her help with something.

Spike on the other hand had been leaving him very informative messages. From what he had said Buffy was taking care of everything around the house with Willow and Tara occasionally taking breakfast and laundry duties. She had been single minded on her patrols, hunting from dusk to dawn, and the nightmares had indeed returned, the same night he had left apparently. Spike also said the others had no idea that she was drowning trying to act like she was ok.

Giles tuned back into what Travers was saying and smirked at him, "Really Quentin, have you forgotten what happened the last time you wanted to put Buffy through her paces? From what I hear Nigel still pisses himself when so much as a paper clip is thrown in his direction"

"There's no need for you to resort to comments like that Rupert, I'm merely saying that Buffy should be tested by a qualified party to determine her psychological state" Travers said smugly.

"I'm more than qualified to determine if Buffy should be performing her duties as the Slayer or not" Giles growled at him, "Now, are you going to stop trying to push my buttons long enough to tell me if she gets the wage granted to Slayers? Or should I go directly to the board with this request? I have a feeling they would be extremely upset to find out that she isn't already in receipt of it"

Travers blanched and dropped his eyes to his paperwork, "There is no need for threats Rupert" he blustered, glaring up at him, "I'm going to be looking into the procedure this afternoon".

"I beg to differ Quentin." Giles said unable to completely hide the smirk that twitched his lips. "I hope that you will organise the payments to reflect what she is already owed and before you get any ideas about trying to undermine my authority as her Watcher and her position as the only active Slayer, not currently in prison that is, then you should know that Mr Winthorpe is fully aware of the requests I have made to you today" Giles said in a tone that dripped with satisfaction.

"You have involved the senior board members already! How dare you!" Travers thundered, slamming a hand down on his desk as he stood.

"What did you expect after the way you have behaved in the past?" Giles hissed standing up and looming over the desk, "Mr Winthorpe was very disappointed to hear about your conduct earlier this year in regards to our request for information about Glory and he was fascinated when I told him how Buffy handled you" Giles said trying to remain calm, pride obvious in his smile and voice when he spoke of Buffy.

"Then it's obvious that I have no choice but to agree to your requests" Travers fumed and sat back down.

"The paperwork was started directly after my meeting with Mr Winthorpe," Giles said smugly smoothing down his tie and buttoning his jacket, "they'll be delivered to you for your signature by Monday afternoon"

Travers glared up at him and Giles could almost see the steam pouring from his ears when he realised that his plan to draw out the process had been thwarted. Smiling he tipped an imaginary hat, "Good day Quentin" he said and almost skipped out of his office.

Now that was taken care of he could get back to Buffy and see for himself what was wrong.

Xxxxxxxxxx

Buffy stared up at the drippy pipe with a scowl, "I can handle a drippy pipe Dawn" she said as she attached the wrench to the nut.

"I have the number, I can call a plumber" Dawn said again sitting on the stairs.

"For the last time no, I can do it" she said turning the wrench with ease.

She smiled back at Dawn over her shoulder when she finished and the drip stopped, "See, told you we didn't need a plumber"

Dawn shrugged her shoulders trying to hold back a grin. She wasn't as blind as the others, she knew that Buffy was struggling without Giles around as her security blanket but she was proud of her for trying to live again.

As Buffy took a step towards her water exploded from the rest of the pipes causing Dawn to shriek and run up the stairs to the kitchen. Buffys shoulders drooped in defeat and she followed her, calling for Willow when she entered the kitchen.

 _I miss Giles_ she thought as she walked home from the bank. Being told that she was broke then being turned down for a loan after beating the crap out of a demon all in the same day was less fun without his sarcasm and quick wit to make her laugh and his calm easy going manner to make her see that she could deal with it.

There was no one home when she trudged through the door so she dropped the fake smile and headed to the kitchen for some juice and to get dinner started. She saw the note telling her that they were all at the Magic Box when she shut the fridge door and she perked up a little.

The workout bag lived at the Magic Box.

Pounding the bag, she let herself feel the anger that she had been suppressing towards Willow and the others. The loan officer swam before her eyes a few times too but she was more frustrated by the way she had left things with Giles on the phone.

She knew she must have seemed distant but whenever she heard his voice she'd had to bite her tongue on the urge to burst into tears and beg him to come home. She was determined to show him she could do it by herself and fought to ignore the urge to let him take care of her.

She was also worried about what Spike had been telling him. She knew that he was feeding Giles information about her which is why she had been careful to hide the extent of her pain from him. She didn't want Giles to worry while he was in England dealing with the council.

When Willow started commenting on how great it was that she was showing her emotions she felt the childish need to stop. She had honestly forgotten she was there. Solely focused on the bag in front of her, she had only heard snippets of what she had been saying and had been giving vague replies when it seemed she wanted them. She felt a kind of perverse pleasure when Willow started to look uncomfortable because she was just staring at her.

"Come on, let's go and see if they've turned up anything on that demon at the bank" Buffy said stripping off her gloves and throwing them on the sofa as they passed it.

"Yeah I still don't get why a demon would want to rob a bank, or help someone else rob it" Willow said as they walked through the training room, "I mean it's not like they don't just take what they want anyway"

Buffy just shrugged her shoulders as they walked through the door in time to hear Dawn reading a passage from one of the demon books.

"Hey, I found your demon" she said proudly when she saw Buffy.

"You're doing research now?" Buffy asked her, surprise leaking into her voice, "Want a pack of cigarettes and cappuccino to go with that?" she asked sarcastically.

Dawn rolled her eyes at her and just held up the book, "Would you just look at it"

"Doesn't exactly fit the profile of your typical bank robber" Xander said

"Maybe they turned down his loan" Buffy said giving Willow a small smile, "but that's him, big, bad and ugly. He was strong guys, no weapons that I could see….." she looked up and saw Giles walking towards her, her mouth finished the sentence without the help of her brain which was telling her to run at him, "Still….real…..dangerous"

The others turned to see what she was staring at and then turned their attention back to the books, only Dawn and Xander grinned at him as Buffy started to walk towards Giles.

She threw her arms around him and squeezed, "I missed you" she muttered into his chest.

"Can't...breath" he gasped and she let him go.

"Oops, sorry" she said giving him an apologetic smile, patting his chest as he pulled in a couple of deep breaths.

"How are you?" he asked her cupping his hand around her cheek and she gave into the urge to nuzzle into it, grinning when his eyes widened.

"Better now" she said, "A demon attacked the bank today" she told him as he led her towards the training room.

"Why on earth would a demon attack the bank?" he asked watching her sit down.

"So someone could rob it," she said with a look that screamed duh and he grinned at her.

"How have you been while I was away?" he asked, sitting down next to her on the sofa.

"Ok I guess, nightmares came back and the candles are no help" she said looking at the floor, "I told them thank you" she whispered not looking at him.

He tutted and pulled her to him, tucking her head under his chin. He blinked in surprise at his own actions and at hers when she rubbed her cheek against is chest and sighed in what he thought was pleasure, "We'll talk about that later" he whispered, forcing himself to ignore the way her fingers rubbed lightly over his stomach, "when we can be sure there isn't an audience"

She nodded, resisting the urge to purr when he gently rubbed her back, "What happened at the council?" she asked him swallowing the urge to find out what he thought their shared kiss had meant.

"Bureaucratic nonsense mostly" he said, "but I managed to pull one over on that pillock Travers"

She sat up grinning with glee, "Really, how?"

"I went over his head to make sure he actually did something for you, didn't stop him from telling me he would like to send someone to evaluate your psychological health" he said chuckling at the image of Travers' face when he realised he wouldn't be able to do it.

Buffy started to hyperventilate and stood up, moving away from him, panicking, "He can't" she gasped out and dropped to her knees.

Giles was by her side in a blink, both hands squeezing her shoulders, "Breath love, just breath" he said pulling her up against his chest and wrapping an arm tightly around her, "It's ok he won't be doing that, I won't let him near you"

"Promise?" she asked when she could talk.

"I swear to you he won't hurt you ever again" Giles whispered in her ear.

They sat like that on the floor until she had calmed down enough to stand, "Shall we see about this demon so we can go home?" she asked helping him to his feet.

"Good idea, I feel like I could sleep for a month" he said walking with her to the door.

"Jet lag will do that to ya or so I hear" she said with a sage nod, "or it could be because you're old"

He saw her grin and knew she was teasing him, "Oi!" he said loudly poking a finger into her ribs, chuckling when she started to giggle.

"So, what have you discovered about this demon?" he asked the group when they had re-entered the shop.

"I found it" Dawn said excitedly handing him the book.

Giles looked down at the book, "M'Fashnik, oh"

"You know it?" Tara asked him.

"By reputation, yes. They, they come from a long line of mercenary demons that perform acts of slaughter and mayhem for the highest bidder" he said looking up from the book with a frown on his face when he saw Buffy pick his bags up and head towards the door.

"Well it is the American way" Xander said with a grin.

"Yes, but, uh, the question now becomes, what's out there powerful enough to control one of these things?" he said putting the book down on the table.

"There's not much we can do about it now though, is there?" Buffy asked from behind him.

He turned and saw her leaning against the shelves at the top of the stairs. He smiled shyly and nodded his head in agreement, "No, unfortunately we may have to wait for another attack to be able to track what, or whoever, is controlling the M'Fashnik"

"Does that mean we can go home then coz I'm starving" Dawn said twisting round in her chair, looking over at Buffy with a hopeful expression on her face.

"Big shock there" Buffy said rolling her eyes, "There's a beef stew in the slow cooker, will that satisfy your demonic hunger?"

"Uh, yeah!" Dawn said shoving things back in her bag, "Are we going or not?"

"When did you make beef stew Buff?" Xander asked as he stacked the books on the table ready to be put away.

"Shoved everything in the slow cooker before I showed up here with any luck I haven't blown it up" Buffy said with a shrug, stepping down into the shop to watch Giles packing up some of the candles from the display at the back, "I said they didn't help anymore Giles" she called out.

"These are different than the ones you've been using" he said dropping a pack of tealights into the already bulging sack, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yep, stew should have another hour until it's done so if you wanna shower or whatever then you have time" she said then blinked in surprise, "Sorry, I didn't mean to...I mean are you going back to your place?" she asked and he could see her struggle with herself for a moment before she took a deep breath and smiled at him.

He smiled gratefully at her, "I may just take advantage of that offer and I was planning on staying with you tonight just to be sure that you really are alright" his heart flipping in his chest again when she blew out a relieved breath and nodded at him.

"Uh Buff? Did you make the stew big enough for me and Tara?" Willow asked her, taking a couple of books from Xander to re-shelve.

"I thought you guys were going to the cinema tonight, that was tonight right? I haven't messed up my days again have I?" Buffy said her forehead wrinkling in confusion.

"We were going to the cinema tomorrow night Buff, I told you this morning before you left for the bank remember?" Willow told her looking slightly disappointed.

"Oh, well I, uh, I could make something else for you guys if you want" Buffy said with a frown.

"No Buffy, it's ok" Tara said going over to her and gently placing a hand on her arm, "I'm in the mood for some Chinese anyway and I know Will can't turn down an egg roll if it's offered" Tara said smiling at Willow who nodded.

"Right that's settled then, shall we go?" Giles said putting his hand on Buffy's shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze, "I might have remembered to bring back a few souvenirs this time"

"Really?" Dawn asked excitedly, squealing happily at his nod, "Let's go then, bye guys" she called out over her shoulder as she rushed from the shop.

"She never learns" Buffy huffed hurrying to catch up to Dawn with Giles bringing up the rear.

Buffy was quiet in the car on the way back to the house. Giles kept shooting her worried glances but thought it best to wait until they were alone to ask the questions that were troubling him.

Buffy told Dawn to help Giles take his bags upstairs when they got home while she checked the stew and took the triple chocolate gateau from the fridge to finish defrosting.

"Has Willow made a habit of changing plans at the last minute to make Buffy feel bad?" Giles asked Dawn in a whisper after they had deposited his bags at the foot of Buffy's bed.

"Nope, today was the first time for that trick" Dawn said, her eyes narrowing into angry slits as she folded her arms, "How did you catch that?"

"Tara, she looked confused when Willow said their date was for tomorrow night" Giles said as he walked around the room placing candles everywhere he could put them with a few incense sticks placed in front or behind them.

"Willow has been milking Buffy's fake gratitude ever since you left," Dawn said sitting on Buffy's bed and watching him, "sometimes she asks her to do something last minute and pretends that she'd actually asked her earlier in the day"

"Interesting" Giles murmured as he set out the last of the tealights.

"That's one word for it" Dawn grumbled.

"How has she been doing really?" he asked her sitting on the chair in front of the vanity.

"She's trying really hard and mostly she's doing great but I can tell she's hurting," she said looking up at him, with a sad smile on her face, "she's come up with the idea to try and stand on her own instead of leaning on you all the time"

Giles smiled proudly at Buffy's desire to stand on her own two feet again, "Good I'm glad" he said and stood up, "Now why don't you go and see if your sister needs any help while I have a quick shower before dinner is ready"

Dawn rolled her eyes, "What about those souvenirs you dangled in front of me?" she said with a cheeky grin.

Giles laughed at her while he unzipped his bags, "Here you go" he said handing her a gift box.

"Wow thanks Giles" she said happily giving him a quick hug before taking the box and running from the room.

Shaking his head he retrieved his wash bag and a change of clothes then headed towards the bathroom for a much needed shower.

"Dinner is served guys" Buffy called up forty five minutes later just as Giles appeared at the top of the stairs freshly showered and shaved.

"Smells wonderful Buffy" he said as he walked down the stairs.

"Bet it tastes good too," Dawn said behind him, "hurry up already I'm starving"

"Oh do forgive me Dawn, I'd rather not greet my return to America by falling on the stairs" he said sarcastically, grinning at Buffy's giggle.

"Whatever just hurry up" Dawn huffed.

She raced past them when he reached the bottom of the stairs, "Eww what's that thing in Giles' stew? It looks like a ball of fat"

Giles raised his eyebrows and looked at his bowl, a happy grin erupting on his face, "You made a dumpling?" he asked looking down at Buffy.

She blushed and shrugged as she sat down, "I made it for me, curious I guess," she said picking up her fork, "you talked about them so much I wanted to know what all the fuss was about so I got the recipe from the net"

"Well why don't you try it then" he said lifting his knife and fork and cutting a piece off.

Buffy hesitantly slid the piece of dumpling from his fork and chewed, "Mmm, that's not bad actually" she said when she was finished.

Smiling, Giles didn't hesitate to cut the dumpling in half and transfer a portion to her bowl. He hadn't missed that her portion of stew was much smaller than his or Dawns, "There you go" he said.

"Well I don't wanna try it, it looks gross" Dawn muttered around a mouthful of beef.

"Don't talk with your mouthful" Buffy admonished her as she cut another piece off of the dumpling, smiling happily for the first time in a week.

They had just finished dessert when the demon broke through the front door. Dawn screamed and hid under the table, clutching the bags that Giles had given to her and Buffy to her chest, while Giles distracted it long enough for Buffy to get behind it. Giles was backhanded through the banister and Buffy saw red. She managed to knock him back into the kitchen and down into the basement. She tried to drown him in the few feet of water that had accumulated but he threw her off.

"No!" she screamed at him when he pulled a section of pipe out.

He charged at her and she ducked his swing, delivering a kick to his midsection that made him stagger back. She yanked the pipe from his hands and pulled it tightly against his throat from behind until he fell forward.

"Full copper re-pipe!" she shouted as she beat him around the head with the pipe, "No more full copper re-pipe!"

"Uh, I think he's dead Slayer" Spike said, standing at the top of the stairs, "Did you know your basement was flooded?"

Buffy just stood there staring down at the corpse of the demon until she heard a moan from Giles. She threw the pipe down and ran up the stairs past Spike, "Dawn, Giles!"

"I'm fine" Dawn said shakily as she helped Giles sit up to lean against the wall.

"Are you sure?" Buffy asked her dropping down next to them and taking Dawns face in her hands, looking over her.

"I'm sure, I hid under the table" Dawn said sheepishly.

Buffy smiled at her and rubbed her cheek with her thumb, "Good, now can you get Giles an ice pack?"

"Sure" Dawn said pushing herself to her feet and stepping over Giles' legs as she moved towards the kitchen.

Buffy was already examining Giles, "I know you hurt your head but how is the rest of you?" she asked him as she ran her fingers through his hair, wincing in sympathy when he jerked away from her touch.

"I can always tell when I'm back in America by the head trauma" he said with a painful grin, "The rest of me is sore but fine"

"Let's get you to the sofa so the rest of you is comfy" she said helping him to his feet.

"Did I hear Spike say that your basement is flooded?" he asked her as she settled him on the sofa.

"Uh, yeah, it's something about the pipes and how they need to be replaced" she said taking the ice pack from Dawn, looking out into the hall and tensing when she heard the backdoor open. She relaxed again when she heard Spike swearing about how heavy the demon was and realised he must be getting rid of it for her.

"Are there problems in getting them repaired?" he asked with a hiss when she put the ice pack on his head.

"Just one, we have no money" Buffy said with a shrug, "Anya suggested I burn down the house and collect the insurance, which is starting to sound like a good idea at this point"

"Is that why you were at the bank today?" he asked her, taking her hand in his.

She nodded and moved his hand into her lap, playing with his fingers, "Didn't get the loan so now I don't know what to do"

"We'll get through it" Dawn said, "I'll quit school and get a job to help pay the bills"

"The Hell you will!"

"No you bloody won't!"

Dawn giggled at the identical looks of outrage on Buffy and Giles' faces, "Darn it" she said snapping her fingers, "And I was hoping I wouldn't have to sit Miss Shevardi's history test next week"

"Well keep hoping" Buffy said letting go of Giles' hand and standing up at the same time the phone started ringing, "Now you go upstairs and get ready for bed while I answer that phone and start cleaning up down here"

"But, but.." Dawn said stumbling as Buffy pushed her towards the stairs.

"No buts, go" Buffy said sternly, pointing up the stairs.

Dawn sighed and trudged up the stairs, muttering under her breath, "It's only nine o'clock, I'm not even tired".

Spike came back into the house just as Buffy answered the phone, "What does that ponce want?" he asked loudly and she flipped him off.

"No Angel I'm fine, who told you I was back?" she asked coming back into the living room and looking over at Giles.

"Willow phoned you half an hour ago, of course she did" she said with a sigh.

She went ridged and her eyes flashed with anger, "No he is not!"

"Willows done it now mate" Spike said with a grin, "She's only gone and told peaches that she's worried you're taking advantage of her"

"She what?" Giles asked in shock, his jaw locking in anger when Spike just nodded at him.

"I don't care what she said Angel he has been the only one, well, apart from Dawn and Spike, who has been there for me and not expected me to put on a smile and sing their praises" she said angrily, "He has cared for me, bandaged my wounds, supported me…."

"Brace yourself" Spike said looking over his shoulder at the front yard.

Giles turned to look and saw Willow, Tara, Anya and Xander walking towards the house.

"No Angel she didn't…..I don't care what she told you….no I don't want you here...exactly...thank you for checking up on me….yeah bye"

"Was that Angel?" Willow asked innocently.

"Yes it was, thank you so much" Buffy said throwing the phone on the chair with a glare.

"What did I do?" Willow asked shocked

"Nothing" Buffy said shaking her head, "I have things to do, just...just leave me alone" she said tiredly and bent to pick up a piece of the bannister.

"Buff we'll do that, why don't you just take care of Giles" Xander said putting his hand on her arm and stopping her from turning, "You looked wiped"

"Gee thanks," she said unable to stop the grin.

"Go on upstairs Buffy" Tara said as she stood with a piece of a vase in her hands.

"Ok, ok" she said holding her hands up in defeat, "Come on Giles" she said holding a hand out for him to pull himself to his feet.

Giles just smiled down at her when she pulled his arm around her shoulders and supported his waist as she helped him up the stairs. He knew that she knew he didn't need the help but he could tell that she wanted to take care of him and he would stake himself before he denied her that comfort.

"You gonna help Spike or are you just gonna sit there and watch?" they heard Xander ask as they climbed the stairs.

"I've already done my bit Harris, but I am willing to fetch you an apron" Spike replied and they both bit down on a giggle.

"Bite me Spike" Xander growled at him, "Oh that's right you can't"

Buffy shut her her bedroom door on Spikes reply and finally let out the laugh she had been holding in. Giles smiled down at her, forcing away the urge to press his lips to hers as he watched her eyes dance with amusement.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

 **Rating: M**

What If

Chapter 5

"Buffy, you can stop now" Giles said as she stepped away from him after settling him on her bed.

"Stop what?" she asked, still grinning as she pulled out some shorts and a vest from her drawer.

"Stop being strong" he said gently and she froze.

"I can't" she whispered.

He reached out and caught her hand, pulling her towards him, "Yes you can, with me you can" he said as he pulled her down next to him.

She shook her head, "No Giles I can't, I can't stop because…"

"Because you want to stand on your own?" he said squeezing her hand when she nodded, "Buffy, everyone needs to have somebody they can lean on when they need it"

The tears started then and she let him draw her against his side for a second before pulling away, "I need to shower" she sniffed, "I'll be back"

Giles watched her go with a sigh. He stood and took the long cooks matches from the top drawer in Buffy's desk where he had left them. He pulled one out and struck it against the touch paper, touching it to the candle wicks as he passed them, whispering an incantation in Greek under his breath.

Once he was done he lit the incense, pushing them into the holders. He slipped his sweater off and unbuttoned his jeans before opening the drawer that had become his and pulling out a pair of pyjama bottoms. He quickly changed and retrieved Buffy's other gift and a book from his bag and settled into bed to wait for Buffy to take up her usual position.

She gasped when she opened her door, her eyes glittering in the candlelight as she looked around at what he had done, realising that it wasn't the scent from the candles but the soft, warm glow from the flames that had helped her to sleep before, "Is it safe to sleep with this many candles lit?" she asked him as she moved towards the bed.

"They're spelled to just melt the wax," he said shutting the book and removing his glasses, "won't even burn paper if you hold it to the flame"

"Cool, what's this?" she asked picking up a box from her pillow, holding it up to her ear and giving it a shake as she lifted her cover and sat next to him.

"I hope you like it" he said and she grinned at him.

She pulled at the ribbon and let it fall to the quilt. She lifted the lid and her grin widened, "It's beautiful Giles" she said lifting out a silver charm bracelet.

She dropped the box and stretched the bracelet between her fingers to look at the charms he'd already added. There was a butterfly, a snowflake, a tea pot, a heart with a little green gem in it, a turtle and a book.

"A tea pot?" she asked looking up at him with a confused frown.

"It, it's a symbol for the mad hatters tea party..."

"From Alice in Wonderland" she finished, laughing happily, "They're all my favourite things, thank you" she said giving him a hug.

"You are very welcome" he said blushing furiously. He watched her put the bracelet on her night stand then leant back when she leaned over him to drop the box and ribbon in the bin on his side of the bed.

"Can we talk now Buffy?" he asked once he had gotten control of his heart rate.

"You mean Spike didn't tell you everything?" she asked, smirking when he guiltily dropped his gaze, "He's not very good at the personal stuff ya know, sounded too much like he was reading from a script"

"Yes well, I knew you would hide things from me" he said lifting his arm when she leaned into his side.

"I didn't want you to worry" she said rubbing her cheek over his chest as she got comfortable, "not while you were dealing with the council"

"But I will always worry about you love" he said, his lips brushing against her hair, "and from what I've seen with my own eyes he was right when he said you were drowning trying to make them believe you're ok"

She tensed against him for a second before she blew out a shuddering breath, "I didn't think anyone had noticed" she said shakily then buried her face in his chest, the tears that she had halted before her shower burst out of her, the dam having finally broke.

"Dawn saw it as well," he said as he gently rubbed her back, "and I saw it tonight in the way Willow blatantly used your 'fake gratitude', as Dawn calls it, to try and manipulate you but that stops now"

"Don't" she managed, pushing herself up and reaching for a tissue to blow her nose, "This is why I can't let you be my shield anymore, why I have to face it"

"But you don't have to face it alone, what's wrong with letting me help you?" he asked her, watching as she shifted around until she was sitting facing him, her legs crossed.

"Nothing Giles, absolutely nothing and I know I'm not alone, but outside of this room I have to be Dawns mother, I have to somehow find the money to feed us and make sure we have a roof over our heads…."

"Ah, about that" he said cutting her off, "I have arranged for the council to start paying you the Slayers wage that you should have started to receive on your twentieth birthday, should only take a few weeks to put everything in place"

She blinked at him slowly before a grin spread across her face, "So the council are gonna pay me to Slay?" she asked, doing a happy little shimmy bounce when he nodded, "That is such a relief, I thought I'd have to start robbing vampires before I staked them"

"You still haven't told me why I can't stand beside you, helping you with everything you have to face" he reminded her.

"I didn't say you couldn't do that I said you can't shield me from it anymore" she said picking at the cover over her legs.

"So in this room you will drop the shield you wear for everyone else and let me in?"

"In your flat too" she said glancing at him quickly before looking back down a slight blush to her cheeks "I uh, I kinda hid out there with Dawn one night"

"Did it help with the nightmares?" he asked her wondering if his scent would have worked like his presence seemed to.

She shook her head, "No I still woke up screaming, poor Dawn," she said shifting around to lay at his side again, "I might let her stay at Janice's place this weekend so she has a break from all the wackiness that seems to follow me around"

"That will be good for her" he said distractedly, lost in her scent and the feel of her body moulded against his, "Buffy I," he cleared his throat nervously. He hadn't planned on doing this today but he had missed her more than he wanted to admit and he wasn't entirely sure he would be able to mask his feelings for her much longer, "I wanted to say something to you but I, uh, I don't want you to feel like you should respond..."

He was cut off by her lips touching his and he jerked back in surprise. He looked at her smiling face and watched as she blushed and started to pull away, the smile slipping from her face.

"Oh god, I thought that you were trying to...I'm sorry, I'll just..." she stopped when he grabbed her hand.

"I love you Buffy" he whispered, "I have for a long time but I didn't realise just how much until you died"

"I knew after Mom died" she whispered back, mesmerised by the way his eyes had become brighter, "I love you too"

The smile that broke out on his face would have shamed the dawn and before she could lose herself in the way his eyes lit up he was kissing her only this time he pulled her so close she could feel the heat from his skin even through their t-shirts.

She let her hands move down over his ribs and curl around his back pulling herself against him as his hand slowly travelled down her back. She wanted him closer so she curled her leg around him as well, moaning when he grabbed her ass and pushed against her.

He rolled her onto her back and moved his kisses along her jaw and down her throat, grinning when she shuddered after he nipped at her collarbone. She lost herself in his touch, the feel of his skin against hers as layers were peeled away, the way his mouth moved over her as if he already knew where she liked to be touched.

Never before had she felt this way, cherished as well as desired, and when he moved himself into position she flipped him so she could return the favour. She found and exploited all of the places that made him shudder and groan, using her lips, teeth, tongue and hands to drive him to the edge. She giggled when he grabbed her arms and hauled her back up to his mouth, not quite able to believe how alive she felt with him.

They lay there afterwards, a sweaty gasping heap. Her bones felt like they had been liquefied but she didn't care.

"I think we should lock ourselves in your apartment when Dawns at her friends house" she said when she could finally talk again.

Giles looked at her with a satisfied smile on his face, "Oh and whys that love?"

"I remember seeing handcuffs and silk ropes and other stuff that looked like it could be fun in a box in your closet once" she said rolling on top of him when she heard his breath catch, "always wanted someone to tie me up and spank me" she said with a grin.

"Then I agree to your plan" he said pulling her down for a heated kiss, groaning into her mouth when she moved against him, "Again?"

"Hey I'm not the only one who seems to be ready for round two" she said wiggling over him.

"Am I about to find out first hand just how much stamina a Slayer has?" he asked arching off the bed when her hands brushed roughly down his sides and gripped his backside, sliding herself over him at the same time.

"I don't know, am I going to find out how much stamina Ripper has?" she asked giggling when he pulled her close and flipped her over again.

"Is that a challenge love? Coz I think you'll find I'm more than 'up' for it" he said slipping back into the east London accent he used in his youth.

It was a little before two when they finally wore themselves out and fell asleep twisted around each other.

When Buffy woke it was to the feel of Giles pressed against her back, one of his arms was under her head and the other was wrapped tightly around her waist. She sighed happily and relaxed into him, trailing a hand up and down his forearm.

"Morning love" he mumbled sleepily a few minutes later then rolled onto his back, scratching at his chest.

"Morning honey" she said with a grin rolling over and propping her head on her hand to look at him, trailing her fingers over his stomach.

"Hmm" he intoned grabbing for her hand to stop it's exploration. He flattened it over his heart and smiled at her, "Have you thought about what to tell them?"

"With the noise we made last night they've probably already figured it out" she whispered, leaning down to give him a kiss, teasing him with a few light brushes of her lips before sitting back.

"I put a soundproofing spell around the room last night in case you had another nightmare so the others could get an uninterrupted night" he muttered pulling her back down to lay against him, "They didn't hear a thing"

"So I was trying to be quiet for no reason" she said pushing herself up to stare at him incredulously.

"That was you being quiet?" he asked with a wide grin. He pulled her against him and kissed her soundly. He pulled back and looked at her with a wicked gleam in his eyes, "I'd love to see how loud I can make you scream love"

"Uh huh, sure" she agreed dreamily with her eyes closed.

Chuckling he lay back with a sigh, Buffy's foot travelling up and down his lower leg under the blanket, her knee brushing over his thigh.

"You want scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast?" she asked him a few minutes later.

"I'm cooking you breakfast this morning love" he said nudging her head with his shoulder so she lifted it. He pushed himself up and swung his legs over the bed.

"Really? That's so sweet" she said shifting to her knees and wrapping her arms around him, pressing her face into his neck.

"You can take care of everybody else but I get to take care of you remember?" he said rubbing her arm. He had learned a lot when they had spoken in soft whispers as they lay in each others arms while they caught their breath.

He felt her grin against his neck then bent down and lifted his pyjama pants from the floor. Slipping them on, he stood and retrieved his t-shirt from where it had landed the night before then turned to stare at Buffy who was watching him from the bed.

"Are you going to join me downstairs love?" he asked, his eyebrows raising in surprise when she flung the covers back and stood up naked.

"Give me a sec" she said and opened her drawers. She found and pulled on a pair of panties and a pair of sweats from her wardrobe. She walked towards him as she pulled her vest on and laughed at his look of surprise.

"I never knew you could get dressed so quickly" he told her with a grin.

"Only when I have to" she said winding her arms around his neck.

"Good to know" he whispered against her mouth before pressing his lips to hers for a quick kiss, "Come on then, let's get you fed"

Smiling she took his hand and let him lead her from the room.

No one else was up, being Sunday the others were obviously taking the chance to catch up on all the sleep they had lost in the past week, so they had the kitchen to themselves. Buffy sat at the table and watched as he moved around the kitchen making her breakfast, tutting and forcing her to sit back down whenever she tried to help. He handed her a glass of juice and put a carafe full of coffee in front of her before turning back to the stove to flip the pancakes and stir the eggs.

"I love you" she said out of the blue, smiling widely when she saw his shy smile that she had always thought was so cute.

"And I love you" he said leaning over the table to give her a quick kiss.

He went back to finishing plating their breakfasts and handed her a plate full of scrambled eggs, pancakes and bacon. He put a plate of toast in the middle of the table along with a plate of fresh, sliced fruit and sat down next to her with his own plate of scrambled eggs and bacon.

"Thank you honey" she said groaning around a forkful of pancakes, strawberries and syrup, "S'good"

"I'm glad you like it" he said leaning forward and stealing her next forkful of pancake.

She giggled against his lips when he leaned forward and gave her a syrupy kiss.

"Oh gross" Dawn said stumbling into the kitchen.

They jumped apart and looked over at her guiltily, "Good morning Dawn, there's some pancakes on a plate in the microwave if you want some" Giles said lifting his tea cup to his lips.

"Uh uh, don't try and distract me with food, what did I just walk in on?" she asked looking at both of them with a stern look that reminded Buffy of their mother.

"Well, uh, Giles and I have, uh, redefined our relationship" she said dropping her head and tucking into her eggs.

"Really?" Dawn asked her eyes flicking between them, "Finally" she said at their twin nods and laughed when their mouths dropped open in shock, "Oh come on, like I haven't seen his coming"

"So you don't mind?" Buffy asked her, the piece of bacon in her hand stopped halfway to her mouth.

"Why would I mind?" Dawn asked getting the pancakes out of the microwave, "I'm happy for you guys, as long as I don't have to watch the two of you making with the PDAs coz, gross" and she gagged for emphasis.

"Yeah, well, tough, PDAs are pretty much a given" Buffy said smiling at Giles who had taken her hand and was kissing her fingertips.

"Aww that's sweet, please stop" Dawn said rolling her eyes when Buffy leant in to Giles.

"What's sweet?" Willow asked around a yawn as she pushed her way into the kitchen.

"Buffy and Giles making with the smoochies" Dawn said pouring syrup over the bananas on her pancakes.

Willow stared wide eyed at Buffy feeding Giles a slice of bacon with her fingers and dropped onto a stool when he kissed her, "How long has this been going on?" she asked them.

Buffy twisted on her stool to look at the clock, her face tilted to stare at the ceiling for a second then looked back at Willow with a grin on her face, "About twelve hours give or take" she said pushing the plunger on the carafe and pouring her coffee.

"So you weren't before?" she asked still staring wide eyed at the couple in front of her.

"Nope" Buffy said before shoving another forkful of pancakes in her mouth.

"Have you only felt this way about him since I brought you back?" she asked watching Giles feed Buffy a strawberry, her eyes widening when Buffy lightly sucked the tip of his finger.

Buffy sighed and levelled a glare at her, "I loved him before I died Will so get the idea that this is some kind of grateful reaction to his taking care of me out of your head right now"

"Oh, ok" she said then smiled warmly at them, "I'm happy for you guys"

"Thank you Willow" Giles said giving her a small smile before returning his attention to his breakfast.

"Did ya make some breakfast for me and Tara Buff?" Willow asked standing and going over to the fridge for some juice.

"Giles cooked for me and Dawn" Buffy said between mouthfuls, her appetite having returned with gusto now that she had less to worry about.

"I didn't know when you would be up" Giles said, "But there is batter for the pancakes in the fridge"

"No worries I can whip up some pancakey goodness for me and Tara" she said with a smile, "Did you decide what to do about the pipes Buff?"

"Ah, yes the pipes" Giles said laying his knife and fork across his empty plate, "Do you have, Tito was it?" he asked looking at the girls, at their nods he continued, "Do you have Tito's estimate to hand, I can take care of that today"

Buffy shook her head "No Giles, I can't let you..."

"You can and you will" Giles said rubbing her arm, "If it makes you feel any better then you can pay me back once the council has started to send your payments"

"Payments? What payments?" Dawn asked sitting up straighter, taking notice of the conversation now they had unstuck their faces from each other.

"The Slayer receives a wage, for want of a better term, if, or when, she reaches the age of twenty" Giles said standing and taking his and Buffy's plates to the sink, "Since Buffy has yet to receive hers I brought it up to the chairman while I was at the council, she should start to receive monthly payments once the paperwork has cleared"

"Way to go Giles!" Dawn cried clapping happily a huge smile on her face.

"So Travers is going to do something for Buffy that makes her life easier?" Willow asked looking dumbfounded, "How the Hell did that happen?"

"I didn't give him much of a choice actually," Giles said smirking at Buffy who was giggling behind her hand, "I went over his head to the chairman of the board and he started the ball rolling"

"Morning guys" Tara said pushing her way into the kitchen, "Something smells good"

"Giles cooked me breakfast" Buffy said slapping his hands away from the dishes when he started to run the tap to fill the sink, "No, you cooked I wash up" she said pushing herself in front of him.

Tara watched as Giles wrapped his arms around her and kissed her shoulder. She looked over at Dawn with a raised eyebrow and smiled happily when Dawn grinned at her with a nod. She looked at Willow and found her watching them with a shocked but puzzled expression on her face. Smiling kindly at her she put her arm around her and kissed her cheek to get her attention. Willow looked at her and smiled, giving her a quick kiss on the lips before opening the fridge and removing the bowl with the pancake batter in it.

"Hey Dawn?" Buffy called as she scrubbed the pan that had had the eggs in, "What do you think about staying the weekend at Janice's?"

"Really?" she answered rushing over and gripping Buffy's arm, "Wait are you just trying to get rid of me so you guys can get groiny without me in the house?" she asked narrowing her eyes at them.

"Nope just thought you might like a break from all the weirdness but if you don't want to…." Buffy trailed off with a smirk when Dawn gripped her arm tighter.

"No! No I want to!" she said eagerly then squealed and ran off, "I'm gonna call Janice and ask if it'll be ok" she shouted back over her shoulder.

"That was easy" Buffy said looking over her shoulder at Giles who was still standing behind her, watching her wash up.

"Let's just hope this week goes as smoothly" he said giving her a wicked grin, "I'm going to have a shower and contact Xanders friend then go back to my flat to see what state Spike has left it in" he said pushing off the table where he had been standing.

"Oh I wouldn't worry about that" Buffy said smiling secretively.

"Yeah Buffy kicked him out when she went round there last week" Willow said sliding a pancake out of the pan and on to Tara's plate, "She tidied up and opened the windows too"

"You didn't have to do that love" he said winding his arms around her waist again.

"I really did" she said wrinkling her nose, "after what I walked in on I had the urge to fumigate the place" she hummed low in her throat and leant back against him, "I washed the sheets and scrubbed the couch down after taking the key back from him"

"Do I want to know what you walked in on?" he asked in a low voice and she could feel his grin against her neck, "And would it give me any ideas for how we can spend our weekend?".

"Like you need help to come up with any ideas" she said turning in his arms, pushing her hands up his chest until she clasped them behind his head.

"So you are gonna be spending the weekend together" Willow said suddenly and Buffy blushed, she'd forgotten they weren't alone in the kitchen.

"It's one of many possibilities we talked about last night" Giles said kissing Buffy's forehead before leaving her to finish the washing up.

"So Buff…anything good happen last night?" Willow asked, wriggling her eyebrows with a grin.

"Nothing I'm gonna tell you about that's for sure" Buffy replied, blushing as she turned back to the sink.

"That bad huh. S'ok he had been on a plane for like eleven hours and he'd just been beaten up, maybe next time it'll be better" Willow said as she cut into a pancake.

Buffy sighed and turned to face her, "Actually Will we did it three times if you really need to know so if that's him on a bad day then I can't wait to see what he has planned for me on a good day" she smirked at her shocked face for a second before turning back to the sink.

"Sorry Buff I, I didn't mean to, ya know, I just thought..."

"I know what you thought but it doesn't matter" Buffy muttered as she shook a plate before setting it on the drainer, "Am I still ok to audit with you guys tomorrow?"

"Sure Buffy, we'll switch off during the day if you'd like, give you a chance to sit in on different classes" Tara said softly casting a worried glance at Willow.

"Yeah that does sound good," she said wiping the cutlery before putting it on the drainer, "I'm going stir crazy just sitting around the house all day I mean once the houseworks done there really isn't anything else to do"

"You could come work for me if ya like Buffster" Xander said from behind her and she turned to grin at him.

"I might just do that Xand, thanks" she smiled at him as she dried her hands on the dish towel, "Help yourself to whatever you want and, hey where's Anya?" she asked looking at Xander with concern.

"She's talking shop with Giles" Xander said as he set about making waffles.

"Excellent he hasn't showered yet" Buffy said with a grin, "Wash up after yourselves" she called over her shoulder as she pushed open the kitchen door.

A few seconds later Anya entered looking annoyed, "What's up Ahn?" Xander asked her.

"Giles would rather have sex with Buffy in the shower than talk to me about the shipment of Draconis amulets that are late" she grumbled dropping onto a stool.

Xander who had just taken a mouthful of juice coughed and spluttered at Anya's comment, "Oh God that must be what drowning feels like but more importantly," he turned to Anya ignoring Willow and Tara's giggles, "what did you say Giles would rather do?"

"Have sex with Buffy in the shower" Anya said slowly, "Are you deaf? Not that I blame him, sex in the shower is pleasant, I like it when Xander puts his hand on..."

"Oh my God! Giles and Buffy?" Xander said wide eyed as he looked around the room, "Took 'em long enough and yeah ok Buffy's been all traumatised but I thought she would have made a move on him last week before he left"

"Wait you saw this coming too? Was I the only one who didn't know?" Willow asked looking like she was annoyed that she hadn't seemed to notice.

"You were the only one who thought he was manipulating her into being close with him, does that make you feel better?" Anya asked bluntly, completely unaffected by the glare Willow threw her.

"Hey guys, oh Xan, you still ok to take me to school tomorrow?" Dawn asked when she walked into the kitchen.

"Sure Dawnster, pick you up usual time?" he asked her, picking up a banana and peeling it.

"Yep, thanks" she said with a grin.

"Weren't you going to do your homework in your room today?" Willow asked her as she transferred her and Tara's plates to the sink.

"That was the plan but they just turned the shower on and I really don't wanna catch the audio of what they're about to do" she said shuddering for emphasis.

"Eeww" Xander and Willow said together.

A low groan echoed over their heads making them all look up, "Argh ick," Xander said covering his ears.

"I can take care of this" Willow said with a grin then closed her eyes, took a deep breath then looked up at the ceiling and muttered an incantation under breath. The next sound was cut off and Willow looked around her at the others smiling happily, "That should last for an hour, just don't go upstairs before that and we should be good"

Tara and Xander exchanged a worried glance before striking up a conversation with their significant others. Dawn, having seen the whole thing, frowned at them. Spike was right, Willow was starting to use magic for everything and judging by the looks Tara and Xander had given each other Giles and Spike weren't the only ones worried about it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

 **Rating: T**

What If

Chapter 6

"Dawn! Come on you're gonna be late!" Buffy shouted up the stairs, shrugging her jacket on and shoving her keys in the pocket at the same time.

"I'm right here you don't have to shout" Dawn said appearing at the top of the stairs.

"Obviously I do" Buffy muttered herding her down the stairs and out the front door, locking it behind her.

"Wow you're bitchy when you're hungover or is it just the argument with Giles that's turned you into this grouchy version of my sister?" Dawn asked as she settled her bag over her shoulder.

"Ok one, not hungover and two, non of your business" Buffy groused shoving her hands in her pockets and stalking off in the direction of the school.

"Why'd he leave?" Dawn asked, refusing to drop it until she had satisfied her curiosity.

"I told him too" Buffy muttered hoping that her demeanor would put Dawn off asking any more questions.

"Oh" Dawn murmured giving Buffy sidelong glances for a few minutes as she judged her mood. The thundercloud that seemed to be hovering over her head was definitely a sign of badness. She chewed her lip for a few more minutes then asked what she really wanted to know, "Is he coming back?"

Buffy closed her eyes at the question, half in annoyance at her sisters persistence and half in regret at telling him to leave in the first place, "I don't know" she replied honestly and silenced her next question with a glare that could melt glass.

Dawn just followed her in thoughtful silence, concocting ways to force them to talk to each other again if she needed to. She loved having Giles around, he made Buffy so happy and he was so much more relaxed now which just added to the blissful atmosphere in the house lately.

Even Spike was friendlier now. Sure he'd been more sarcastic and snarky at first but she could tell it wasn't meant in a mean way and Buffy always responded in kind anyway. Giles had been tense around him, worried that Spike still held a torch for Buffy but after a few weeks he'd realised that they were just friends and he joined in on the banter between them when it was directed at him.

Willow and Tara had moved out when Giles started to stay more often but would come for dinner most days, same as Xander and Anya, and they would still stay over if Buffy wanted to stay at Giles'. Tara had a few whispered conversations with Giles about Willows magic use a couple of weeks ago and no one had seen either witch since, something that had added to the tension in the house the last few days.

Dawn scowled at Buffys back as they reached the school. There was no way she was going to let them screw up this happiness that surrounded them all for the first time in a long time. She'd lock them in a room to fix it if she had to.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Giles sat up on his sofa with a groan wondering if it was finally time to replace the old thing as he tried to rub some life back into his neck.

He had been confused when he had first woken up but then he'd rolled onto his back with a pained sigh when his memory of the previous night played out in his head. He had been so worried about her, having not seen hide nor hair of her in hours, and he was ready to start scouring all of Sunnydale to find her. But then Spike had helped her in through the front door and told him what had happened.

He shook his head as he stood and made his way to the bathroom, once again thinking that Buffy should never be allowed so much as a drop of alcohol if that was how it affected her. He hadn't expected her ire though, that had taken him completely by surprise, and it wasn't until she was throwing up that what she had told him registered.

He'd dropped down onto his couch with a glass of scotch when he'd returned to his flat and he'd sat there drinking, trying to convince himself that he hadn't overreacted to her disappearing for most of the night, that he wasn't being childish because he had stormed out of the house and that he was too old to be arguing with his girlfriend about her probable paranoia about being tested by someone or thing.

He swore loudly after a few minutes of contemplative silence and actually smacked himself on the forehead. She was right. Something was targeting her and he didn't have the first idea how to find out who, or what, it was. That was when his alcohol fogged brain woke up enough to remind him about the black van Buffy had said she'd seen following her around.

After he was done calling himself an idiot he had phoned his contact on the police force and asked if he wouldn't mind checking any and all surveillance camera's around the college, construction sight and the shop at the times Buffy was there and to let him know if any black vans showed up in any of the footage.

Back in highschool the others had thought the police slow, stupid or lazy and in most cases they were right and he was happy to let them believe that. What they hadn't known was that the first thing he had done after his arrival in Sunnydale was flash his council credentials at the police station and secure enough freedom to do what he was sent there to do.

They knew all about it now of course and he had endured quite a bit of merciless teasing especially from Xander but, and he always told them this when they started to giggle at him, it was always a good idea to have the chief of police as a friend in unfriendly terrain.

He finished up in the bathroom, absently drying his hair with a towel, and made himself a cup of tea, dressing quickly as he let the leaves steep in the pot. He was half way through his second cup and a slice of toast when his phone rang.

"Hello?" he answered, "That was quick…oh really, and you checked the day of the robbery as well...same van?...And you'll let me know what the outcome is?...Thank you Phil, I'm truly grateful...Haha yes it is time I reinforced the wards, I'll come by at the weekend, it's better to do it under a new moon...Hopefully I'll hear from you later today?...Fantastic yes, bye"

He hung up the phone and quickly finished his tea, eager to get to the shop and wait for Buffy to arrive for her daily training.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Buffy had seen Dawn safely to the front door of the school, endured the headmistress' dutiful platitudes and praises of her coping skills and headed to the magic box for her now daily training session. She stopped outside and looked in through the window, breathing a sigh of relief when she didn't see Giles, not really wanting to see him right now.

 _Yeah right, you miss him and you know it_ she thought as she pulled open the door and marched through the shop towards the back, waving to Anya as she passed her. They hadn't been together for very long but it already felt weird waking up alone without his arms wrapped around her and his face pressed into her neck.

She sighed as she started to change into her workout gear, dropping her clothes in a pile on the chair in the wet room, and walked over to the mats to begin her stretching. All the while trying to quiet the chaos of her mind and focus on the most important thing that was happening; the unknown attackers who seemed to be testing her.

She moved through her warm up and stood in front of the workout bag, scowling as she wrapped her hands. She still hadn't managed to stop thinking about Giles, everything else had faded away but not him. Sighing again she flexed her fists, rolled her shoulders and started to take out her frustrations on the bag.

She felt him step into the room an hour later and, giving no outside acknowledgement to the thought, she wondered why he had waited until now. She had sensed his arrival at the shop forty five minutes before and had smiled at the way her heart seemed to leap for joy inside her chest. That of course had made her pummel the bag harder, she was still mad at him even though she didn't actually know why she was mad at him anymore.

She continued punishing the bag for another half an hour, pushing past the sense of calm emanating from Giles that she could feel trying to over take her senses. When she finally couldn't resist the siren call of his presence anymore she slowed enough to be able to talk to him.

Giles, who had stepped into the shop and immediately heard the thud of her fists and feet hitting the bag, was content to just watch her move from his position by the door. He could feel her responding to the calm that had settled over him when he had walked into the training room and had seen for himself that she was fine. His overactive and quite often ridiculous imagination had convinced him she had gone back out after he had left and gotten herself injured in the process.

"So what did Chief Wiggum have to say?"she asked suddenly.

"I've asked you not to call him that" he said gruffly trying not to let on that she had successfully startled him.

She turned to face him, panting heavily as she started to unwind the tape from her fists, looking at him expectantly waiting for his answer.

"How did you know I would contact him?" he asked retrieving her towel and water bottle from the sofa and walking over to stand in front of her.

She tucked the rolled up tape from one fist into the front of her sports bra and took the water from him, "Thanks" she muttered before popping the cap and downing half the contents. "I knew you'd phone him because it's you and even if you think I'm nuts..."

"I never said that" he muttered, handing her the towel.

"And I quote - 'You've been under a lot of pressure lately, it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility you may have been seeing things'" she said with a glare before turning and walking towards the wet room, unwinding the tape from her other fist, "So despite that you would still phone him to check it out for you just in case I was right".

"Yes, well, a lot was said last night" he muttered walking after her with his hands in his trouser pockets. He really did need to stop underestimating her, she seemed to know him better than he thought she did.

"Whatever" she muttered from behind the door, "What did he say when you called him?"

"That he would look into it" he said slightly louder so she could hear him over the sound of the shower, "He phoned me back this morning and told me that the black van you have been seeing was indeed at all three sites and it was also outside the bank the same afternoon it was robbed," he paused to let her say something then sighed in defeat when she stubbornly remained silent, "The van is registered to a Warren Mears and Phil said thanks to Warrens reflection in the window of the bank he had enough to get a warrant and was leading a team to raid his house this morning"

She opened the door without warning making him jump again before he realised she was standing there without a stitch on. His heart, already skipping at the fright, sped into an entirely different rhythm as he stared at her.

"Warren Mears? That creepy little perv who built a robot girlfriend? He's been spying on me?" she asked her voice rising with every question, her face screwing up into an expression of disgust.

He tore his gaze away from the temptation of glistening skin and looked at her face, "Yes it would appear so" he said taking a step forward.

She put her hand up to stop his progress with a scowl, "What do you think you are doing mister?" she asked forcing him back when she took a step forward.

"I'm sorry my dear but you are entirely too tempting, standing there like that" he said bringing his hand up and trailing his fingers down her arm with a smirk.

"Oh yeah? Well you'll have to wait until I scrub at least twenty layers of skin off first" she said with a shudder and taking a small step closer, her hands coming up to rest on his chest.

"Whoa naked Buffy!" Xander cried from behind them followed immediately by the solid thunk of a head connecting with the door frame.

Buffy yelped and jumped back into the wet room, "Jeeze Xander, knock much" she shouted through the door.

"Sorry" he called back, a hand rubbing at a spot on his forehead, "Ow, yeah that hurt"

"Serves you right" Giles grumbled, annoyed at the interruption to what he thought would have been the beginning of a reconciliation between himself and Buffy.

"Sorry, but Chief Wiggum is here, said he wants to talk to you" Xander said, turning back to the door and taking an overly large step to the left making sure he wasn't going to hit the door frame again before walking through it.

Giles sighed and glanced regretfully at the door behind him before following Xander from the room and onto the shop floor. He had barely taken two steps when he was accosted by his assistant manager.

"What did you do to Xander?" she demanded with a glare, "I told him not to bother you but you didn't have to resort to violence".

"Nothing Anya, he walked into the door frame" he said with a weary sigh trying to step around her.

"Then why did he walk into the door frame?" she asked sounding slightly less demanding now.

"Because he walked into the training room to find Buffy standing in front of me without any clothes on that's why" he hissed in an angry whisper, "Now do you mind if I go and talk to Phil now?"

He side stepped her, taking advantage of the fact that he had managed to stun her in to silence and smiled up at Phil who was examining a jar of Gigglebee spines.

"I didn't expect you to come over, a phone call would have been enough" Giles said with a grin at Phil's baffled expression.

"Why do you have hedgehog spines in a jar and why are they purple?" he asked, absently shaking his hand.

"Ah, well those are actually spines from the Gigglebee. It's similar to a hedgehog in size but, as you can see, have purple spines and only live in sea caves along the equator" Giles said twisting the jar so the spines caught the light.

"The Gigglebee?" Phil said turning to face him, "Let me guess they make you giggle?" he asked with a laugh.

"Actually they're mainly used as an ingredient in a potion that increases the power of any protective amulet, shield or charm being used with good intentions" Giles said, gesturing for Phil to follow him, "And the strange thing about them is that they will only increase the power to those specifically and nothing else"

"That's not strange seeing as how the Gigglebee is a creature on the side of light and protects anyone they deem as an ally if they happen to run into their cave" Anya said as they passed, settling an ice pack on Xanders head.

"And what happens if you are not deemed an ally?" Phil asked, intrigued despite himself, "Do they shoot fireballs out of their nostrils?".

"Don't be ridiculous" Anya said with a withering glare, "They puff up to three times their size and shoot their spines at you" she said matter of factly and turned back to Xander effectively dismissing them.

Giles rolled his eyes at her back and shook his head, "Join me in my office and we can talk privately" he said to Phil who was trying to stifle a smile.

He gestured for Phil to go first and looked up as Buffy walked through the training room door. She gave him a tentative smile and squeezed his hand as she passed him. He watched her walk out of the shop and turn left towards the coffee shop with a soft smile on his face.

He walked into his office and put the kettle on before he sat at the desk, "So what did you find at the Mears residence?" he asked watching Phil set the briefcase he was carrying at his feet and flip through a notebook.

"The jackpot," he said with a gleeful chuckle, "There were piles of money stacked around the room, whiteboards detailing plans to rob a museum, mission statements for taking over the world and enough data to keep the boys in the cyber crimes division busy for the next month"

"Was anybody else involved?" Giles asked doing his best to dampen the shame that coursed through him. A part of him had hoped that she _had_ been seeing things and it had been her paranoia prompting her to believe she was being followed. Now that he had been proved wrong he knew he would have to make it up to her. He just hoped she let him.

"Yes a Jonathan Levinson and an Andrew Wells are being charged as accomplices in the bank robbery" Phil said as he consulted his notebook, "the reason I came by to tell you all of this was the amount of possible occult objects that were found at the scene and the rather troubling file simply titled Slayer stats"

Giles sighed and removed his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Do you have any pictures of the objects?" he asked focusing on the least troubling find.

Phil lifted his briefcase and lay it on the desk, opening it enough to remove an envelope, "They're grouped together so if you see anything troubling let me know and I'll send everything in the photo to you" he said watching Giles turn his attention to the pictures as he removed them.

He flipped through them after a quick examination of each, setting aside two pictures whose contents made him a little worried before looking back at Phil, "These ones have at least four objects that should be with me, as soon as you can manage it. In the wrong hands the resulting spells that they are used for are catastrophic" he said handing over the ones he set aside.

"Right," Phil said turning them over and writing 'Urgent. Send to Rupert' on the back of each of them, "Anything else catch your eye?"

"Not at first glance no. May I keep them so I can look over them more thoroughly later tonight?" Giles asked sliding the pictures back into the envelope before standing and making a tea for himself and a coffee for Phil.

"Of course, just let me know if you find anything else and I'll get it sent over" Phil said amiably.

"Now what was it that you found in the file labelled Slayer stats?" Giles asked sitting back in his chair and sipping his tea.

"At first blush it looked like the type of file a stalker might keep; height, weight, sizes that sort of thing, but then I noticed one of the dates you gave me as a header and looked closer. Turns out they've been testing your girl and documenting response times. They seem to have been giving each other scores to see who was better at beating her" Phil said before reaching for his coffee and taking a much needed sip.

"Could I have that as well, in it's entirety?" he asked, the muscle in his jaw jumping as he bit down on the rage that wanted to spew from his mouth.

"Thought you might want it" Phil said with a smile removing a slim case containing a CD from the briefcase still laying on Giles' desk. "Everything I found on their computer that looked as if it had anything to do with Buffy is on this and the hard drive has been wiped and is set to be destroyed in the next hour"

"Nobody else has a copy of this?" Giles asked holding it up.

"No one. I oversaw the tech who copied it then watched as they wiped the hard drive and removed it from the computer" Phil said calmly, he could see the anger in his eyes and didn't blame him at all, "I then destroyed it by, essentially, stomping on it until the cover came off"

Giles chuckled at the imagery his words created, "Well, I'm grateful to you for doing it" he said then sobered at the next thought that flitted through his mind, "In the wrong hands this information could prove fatal to Buffy"

Phil closed his eyes as the memory of how Giles had looked after Buffy had died surfaced at those words. The haunted eyes of Rupert Giles had begged him to keep her death quiet, asking him to do whatever it took to keep the world from finding out that she had died as much for the safety of the town as it was for the well being of her sister.

"I understand" he said with a small nod, "I was going to destroy it myself but perhaps you would feel better doing it" he pulled the rather battered remains of what Giles assumed to be the aforementioned hard drive sealed in a plastic bag from his briefcase.

"As always you have my gratitude Phil" he said taking it from him with a grateful nod. He heard a giggle and looked over Phil's shoulder to see Buffy reaching over the table to tug a book from Xanders hands, his eyebrows raising in surprise to see Willow sitting there with them.

Phil, who had looked back down at his notebook and had missed the shift of Giles' attention, carried on talking, "There was one more thing that we found that was quite frankly disturbing"

"Hmm, oh yes, well, uh, I wouldn't be truly surprised at anything you find" Giles said distractedly as he watched Buffy actually bend over the table and lightly smack Xander round the head as Anya scowled at him.

Phil looked over his shoulder with a frown and smiled when he saw what had caught Giles' attention. He coughed to regain his focus, grinning at the blush that spread across the Englishmen's cheeks when he realised he had been caught staring.

He cleared his throat, "My apologies, what did you find that was so disturbing?" he asked politely while trying to control the heat he could feel in his cheeks.

"It was actually a couple of things. One was a detailed plan for something they called a 'cerebral dampener' which could apparently turn any woman into a willing sex slave" Phil looked up from his notebook at Giles growl and nodded in agreement, "Right there with you, I believe the female officer who led Warren out to the car said he tripped over a lawn ornament, left rather a nasty bruise on his jaw"

"Good" Giles grunted, anger at what that pitiful excuse for a man had been planning surging through his blood, "you said a couple of things?"

"Ah yes, well the thing is I need you to remain calm," Phil said shutting his notebook and slipping it back into his inside pocket, "We found, well I found, schematics for a robot Buffy..."

Giles smiled and shook his head, "Old news I'm afraid, Warren built that for Spike last year..." he trailed off when Phil shook his head.

"It's not those that gave me cause for concern it was what I found in between the pages; pictures of the two of you" he said slipping another envelope out of his pocket, "In various situations, seems they have a camera in more than one location"

Giles swore he heard a tooth crack when he clenched his jaw against the surge of rage that shot through him as he looked through the pictures, "Is there anything you can do to find out where the camera's are?" he asked him dropping the pictures into his desk drawer.

"Yes actually there is. Would you be adverse to a tech team coming in to sweep the place and everywhere else associated with your group?" Phil asked standing and pulling a phone from his back pocket, "I can have them ready to go in seventy two hours" he said after consulting a calender.

"No, of course, send who you must. I will talk to the others and make sure they are available to accommodate your team" Giles said standing as well. He held his hand out and gripped Phil's hand when he shook it, "Thank you Phil, I really must buy you a drink this time"

Phil laughed as he let go of his hand and opened the door, "We both know that we're too busy for that kind of commitment Rupert" he said with an easy grin, "How about we just settle for the usual sneaky scotch when you come by to reinforce the wards?"

"Sound plan" Giles agreed with a friendly smile as Phil trotted up the steps and out the door.

"So what gives?" Buffy asked looking up at him from the table.

"It seems Warren along with Jonathan and a lad by the name of Andrew Wells were the ones responsible for the bank robbery and the M'Fashnik and..."

"And they were testing me, right?" she said looking at her hands that were clenched on the table top.

Giles sighed and sat next to her, pulling her along the bench until she turned and lay her head on his chest, "Yes love, they were testing you but why is, I'm afraid, going to have to wait because they seem to have been watching us as well"

Buffy sighed and sat up, staring at him until he smoothed her hair back from her face and bent his head to place a soft kiss on her lips, "What do you mean watching us?" she asked after giving him a small smile and taking his hand.

"Phil seems to think they have planted cameras so they can watch us and wants to send a team out to search the shop, our homes and any other place we frequent" he said, absently rubbing his thumb back and forth over her knuckles.

"And the eww just keeps coming" she muttered with a shudder. She looked up at Giles then, "What else did they find?" she asked then frowned and looked over at Xander, "I swear to God Xand, if you don't stop staring at me like that I'm gonna smack you" she growled and Giles saw a blush rise on his cheeks as he looked away.

"Various magical objects that Phil wants me to look at," he said still faintly amused at the expression on Xanders face, and pulled the envelope of evidence pictures from his pocket and handed them to Willow, "Tell me what you think of these" he said, "and it's good to see you Willow, we've missed you at the house these last couple of weeks".

"Yeah sorry I should have called and let you guys know that we were fine but we've both been so swamped with school work and then I caught a bug which I seem to have given to Tara..." she trailed off as she laid out the pictures in front of her "Ooh they have a transmogrifying bone, definitely should have that under lock and key" Willow said looking intently at the objects grouped together in the photos.

Everybody looked up when Xander gasped in shock, "Oh my God they have a rare R2D2 collectors figurine" he said looking up at them with wide eyes, gripping a photo in his hands. "Can I have it?"

Willow smiled fondly at him, "It doesn't work like that Xand," she said gently, "It's not a catalogue that you can say, hey I want that and they send it to you, it's evidence"

"But can't Giles say he needs a closer look at it, that he thinks it might have some dangerous magical curse attached to it?" he asked looking over at Giles hopefully.

"I will do nothing of the sort" Giles said watching as Buffy stood and walked back to the training room, her shoulders dropped slightly as if she was carrying something heavy, "I'll be right back" he muttered as he stood and followed her footsteps, ignoring Xanders yelp and Anya's angry hiss.

He pushed open the door to the training room and saw her sitting on the sofa, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands loosely clasped in front of her. She looked up when he shut the door and he saw a tear fall from her lashes before she brushed it away with her thumb.

"Hey" she mumbled sounding a little morose.

"Talk to me love" he said sitting next to her, brushing his fingers down her arm hoping to get her to sit back and curl into his side.

"You didn't believe me," she said still looking at the floor, "instead of listening to me, giving me the benefit of the doubt, you immediately assumed that recently alive Buffy was imagining things"

"That isn't entirely true" he said then sucked in a surprised breath when she stood and started to pace.

"Is it because I spent the first few weeks I was back all jumpy and needy? Do you think I can't cope now is that it?" she asked in a rush, her speed increasing and her hands waving about in front of her face, "Do you think I can't be the Slayer now because I died and came back the way I did, that it damaged me?"

Giles jumped up and gripped her shoulders forcing her to stop, "Stop it" he said giving her a little shake to snap her out of her rant before moving his hands up to her face when she gripped his wrists, "It's not that I didn't believe you"

She looked up at him sadly, "Then why..."

"I didn't want to believe you love" he whispered, smiling when she frowned in confusion, "I can't breathe properly when you're on patrol, my heart rate and my adrenaline act like I'm in a constant state of panic when you're gone and it's not because I think you can't do your job anymore or that you're damaged" he explained gently.

Buffy sniffed and held his hand to her cheek, "Still wanna know why" she said, her voice hitching slightly as she tried not to cry at the way Giles' eyes glazed with pain.

"I can't stand the thought of losing you again" he admitted in a whisper, dropping his head and kissing her forehead, "I don't want to imagine, even for a second, that you are in the cross hairs of something that wants to kill you, that is testing you to find a weakness," he pulled her into his chest and held her tightly, his chin resting on her crown, "I've already had my miracle you see, I doubt very much I'll get another"

Buffy closed her eyes and slid her hands around his waist, griping him tightly as she fought the urge to climb up his body and kiss away the pain she could still hear in his voice. Instead she nuzzled her cheek against his shirt and sighed when his hand cupped the back of head.

"I'm sorry about yesterday" she muttered, grinning when she felt his chuckle rumble under her cheek.

"It's quite alright my love, Spike explained when he dropped you off" he said shifting her slightly and walking over to the sofa with her tucked safely under his arm.

"Who'd have thought Spike would turn out to be a good guy?" she asked rhetorically as she curled into his side.

"Certainly not I" Giles said with a chuckle, "What do you think of Willow's story?" he asked her in a whisper.

She shook her head and looked up at him, "Not even a little bit true," she whispered back, "We should check on Tara"

Giles frowned down at her, "Why's that love?"

Buffy looked up at him, her serious, business like expression tinged with a deep sadness. "She's making me itch" she said simply.

Giles frowned as the implications of her words sunk in and nodded once in acknowledgement.


End file.
